You know that ‘runspiration’ you always see about how it doesn’t matter how fast (slow) you run because you’re still lapping people that are sitting on the couch?  Whoever wrote that did so after they drove past me and first thought I was standing still but then realized, “oh, wait! – she’s running”.
I am slow.  It’s okay, though.  I’m not stressed about it.  It is what it is.  BUT.  I did decide I’d try to run a little faster.  This 10K app that I’m working through incorporates walking and I always feel like I could really run longer.  I am trying to stick to the program and not do more than I really should so my compromise is to try to run faster.

‘Normally’, I run around a 10:30-11:30 minute mile but I have been running a 9:30-10 minute pace with the training app. ( I wear a Nike GPS watch that tracks pace.  I don’t obsess over the watch while I’m running but I do really like to glance at it every once in a while.)  The first couple of days that I ran fast on the ‘running’ stretches, it really felt like I was running faster than I could maintain.  The last two days that I’ve run ‘fast’ it felt okay.  My route is along a street with rolling hills (ugh) and I feel GREAT running downhill fast and only moderately out of breath and on death’s sidewalk (as opposed to his doorstep…) when running uphill.  So that’s progress right?

I don’t know how far I could run at the faster pace but it’s interesting to move this fast even in the 2 minute spurts that I do right now.  I wouldn’t mind this new ‘faster than ever’ pace becoming my ‘normal’ pace.

I am hungry.  Hungry to run ‘long’ again, hungry to sign up for races again, and hungry to have that great feeling of accomplishment that running gave me.  I’m hungry for all of those things, but I am mostly just hungry for food.  While I was in my slump, rut, funk – whatever – I ate and ate and ate.  I can’t keep beating up my knees with this extra weight.  …sigh…  So, I joined Weight Watchers Online a month ago.  I was seduced by Jennifer Hudson’s story AND her unbelievable transformation.  She really looks amazing!  Anyway – I joined online because I just wanted something to get myself back under control.  I don’t want to go to meetings to share my story or cheer others on.  Sorry.  That just isn’t helpful for me and I would eventually stop going.

You might be thinking, “Well, what’s the difference between sharing at a meeting and sharing on a blog?”  Good question.  I don’t have a good answer, though.   It’s just different.

WW’s current program works like this:  You get a certain number of points per day based on your weight/height/age.  You can use the points however you choose, but ‘healthy’ choices use fewer points, so there is incentive to NOT use points for a donut because then you will be hungry for the rest of the day.  Extra points can be earned through activity and they also allow some extra weekly points.

You need to know that I can be a fairly obsessive person, so WW is great in many ways but bad in some ways as well.  I have the phone/iPad app and I spend a LOT of time looking up food to see how many points they are.   I look up foods that I have no plan to eat and  I’ve figured out how many points all of my favorite desserts might have.  On a typical day, I scrimp and save points during the day and end up with 2/3 of them at dinner time.  I know this is not good.  My goal this week is to evenly distribute my points throughout the day – although I do enjoy my ‘treat’ of a piece of wheat bread with natural peanut butter and a tsp of strawberry jam.  🙂
I don’t feel like I look any different, yet.  I washed some jeans and was able to put them on without sucking in, though.  (You know, because they shrink up so much when washed/dried…)  I manage to ignore the scale until the weekend.  Since my weigh in day is Sunday, I get a little antsy by  Friday and start stepping on the scale just to make sure I haven’t gained weight.  I’ve lost 10 pounds so far.  Ten more and I’ll be back where I was at the marathon in February.

Well, gotta go.  I’m hungry and I’ve got a delicious 3 point egg white omelet waiting for me.

I’ve been running for two and a half weeks on a regular basis.  Yay me.  It’s been a long road (no pun intended), but whatever funk I was in is over. 

I am doing this 10k program to ease my way back into running.  It’s going alright.  I downloaded an app that’s basically 1/3 running, 2/3 walking.  I walk as fast as I can so I get my heart rate up pretty good.  The program right now is 30 minutes.  I go out one way and then ‘fast walk’ home at the end.  🙂

At first, I couldn’t stop thinking about how much more I could do at this point last year, but guess what?  It’s not last year and I am where I am…

I feel pretty good.  My right knee is just a teeny bit achy when I am finished, but after an hour or so, it is fine.  While i am ‘running’, I am trying to be conscious of my form.  It’s pretty good if I don’t say so my self!  I feel relaxed and manage to breathe pretty good.

I’m just taking it day by day.  It’s fun to be running again. 

I am going to find a race to plan for at some point.  No rush, though…

I’ve been going to Zumba and walking for the past couple of weeks.  Guess what?  I remember what was FUN about exercise.  I haven’t had this feeling in a long time.  I’m glad I’ve found it again because I was kind thinking that this slump that I’m in might go on forever.  Over the past two and a half months of starting and stopping over and over again, I lost the fun.

Somewhere along the line, running and exercising in general became a job.  And worse than that, it became a job of which someone else was in control.  I felt like I ‘had’ to get out and run as if someone was depending on me.  I had to run a certain number of miles or the whole effort was a ‘fail’.  That is a terrible feeing.  It is kind of weird and I am not really explaining this well, but I just was not personally motivated to  do any sort of exercise.  It had become drudgery.  

You probably already know this, but lack of exercise effects one’s mood.  I’d been in such ‘blah’ mood for way too long.  My days were melding into each other and becoming a blur.  Things that could have been fun and exciting were just something to do, something to take up time.  I kept thinking about the expression ‘bodies in motion tend to stay in motion’.  Well, the opposite is true as well.  Stationary bodies remain stationary.  The longer I sat around, the easier it became to just sit around.  The voice that woke me up and made me get out on the street to run became more and more faint as the weeks passed.  Eventually, I guess she would become mute.  So sad.

I don’t know what happened in my mind that allowed me to backslide so far.  I don’t know why my kickstart efforts didn’t work.  I bribed myself.  Fail.  I threatened myself.  Fail.  I ‘gave myself a break’ and stopped being ‘so critical’.  Fail.  …Sigh…  Nope, I don’t know what happened.  What I do know is that I feel different now.  I’ve given up the idea of running a marathon this fall and I’m not trying to figure out how I can get back on track with that training.  I don’t have a certain number of runs to do.  I don’t have a certain distance to reach every day.  I don’t have that job any more.  

I’m gonna continue to do Zumba and walk.  I’ll run again when the time is right.  I don’t know the answer to a lot of stuff, but I do know that when this is not fun anymore, I won’t do it.  My focus now is to keep it fun.  Running will be there when I’m ready.

Say it ain’t so?  Well, it is, friends.  After floundering and half-ass efforts, I’ve concluded that I will not be running a second marathon on October 21.  It just ain’t happening. 

There.  I said it.

I thought I’d feel better but I don’t.

More later.

A friend sent me the quote about running being a jealous mistress a year or so ago.  Well, jealousy reared its ugly head today!  I ran 4 miles and afterward felt like I’d run a hundred.

The weather here is nice.  It was about 55 degrees Fahrenheit, a slight breeze, sunny, clear and the sky was as clear as a bell.  I didn’t map out a run so I just walked up to the street and started running.  I am officially training for my SECOND full marathon and the schedule says run 4 miles.  Mile 1 was like mile 1 frequently is for me:  I get out of breath and decide I’m not going to be able to make it.  This ALWAYS happens.  I play this little game with myself at the beginning of every run.

Me:  I’m tired.  I can’t control my breathing.  My knee hurts.  It’s so hot.  These car fumes are the worst.

Self:  This always happens, just keep running.  It’ll get better.

Me:  Uh….  I’m still tired.

Self:  UUHH…  It’s only been a minute.  Keep running.  You’ll run through it.  Stop being lazy.  You can run 4 miles!

After 10-15 mintues:

Me:  I guess I feel better.

Self:  Duh.  This happens every time.  

Yes – I probably need therapy but that’s for another blog. 

After a couple of miles of trudging along slowly, I worked through it in my head that I was going to finish the 4 miles.  And let me tell you – AT 4 miles, I came to an IMMEDIATE stop.  My breathing was fine but I felt so beat down and tired.  It seemed like the temperature had risen 20 degrees from when I started.  Positive note:  neither of my knees hurt.  Nothing hurt.  I was just tired.  Really tired.

Not sure what running is jealous of – cause I hadn’t been doing ANYTHING before last week.  Nothing to be jealous of.  Maybe today was just a reminder of why I should never take 8 weeks off – ever again.

Tomorrow’s run:  2 miles

YAY!

Wow!  Lots has happened since my last post.  I don’t know where to begin.

So, let me see…

I’ve decided that I am going to run ANOTHER marathon.  Yep.  I do believe I am hooked.  My goal for my very first marathon was to finish.  I finished.  After thinking about it for a little while, I’ve decided that I want to do it again.  I think I can do better and DEFINITELY have a better time.

Hmmm…  What else?  Oh, yes.  We are moving out of state.  Yep.  Moving.  My husband accepted a promotion within his company and we are moving from the Great state of Texas to St. Louis, Missouri.  Change is good…  Change is good…  Change is good…  I’m feeling kind of overwhelmed right now.  Our house will be for sale in 5 days.  We will go to St. Louis to look at new homes and schools in 7 days.  Whew!   Lots going on.

What hasn’t been going on is ME RUNNING!  I’ve run ONCE since the marathon.  I ‘ran’ 3 miles two weeks after the marathon and my knees hurt a little.  Haven’t been running since.  I will, though.  Every time I see someone running I feel like it should be me…

Well, not much to say.  Lots going on.  Change is good…  Change is good…  Change is good…

So, I ran my first marathon.   What now?  I know this is often the question a ‘marathoner’ asks herself  (and IS asked) after the race.  What now?  How can I top this?  Is that even necessary?  What the heck, now??

What was the point of running the marathon in the first place?  Will that lead me to the answer to ‘what now’? 

The POINT of running the marathon was to do something for me.  At the time when I set the goal, I felt like I needed to do something where the outcome rested squarely on my shoulders.  I’m involved in a lot of other ‘things’, so I wasn’t looking for something to do.  I’d been successful at losing weight and becoming more fit and  active doing other activities, so that wasn’t the reason.  I’d always been secretly intrigued by the act of running a marathon and the idea of me doing one just kind of hung around until I picked it. 

When I started this blog, I figured if I brought a bunch of attention to my goal that it might help keep me accountable.  If I went days without posting on my blog or posting my runs on social media, maybe someone would ask, “Hey, I thought you were training for a marathon”.  Slowly, the blog became my way to tell someone out there that this goal is possible for them, too.  I mean, if I – who was super happy to run a full mile without stopping a few years ago – could run a marathon, most anyone could.  It makes me happy to know that I’ve inspired someone to work for their goal – a 5K, 10K, half marathon, marathon or a full street block! 

None of that is really speaking to me about the ‘what next’ conundrum.  I have no idea what’s next.  I just want to run a few runs for ‘no reason’ first.  I’m sure the ‘what next’ will whisper to me, call out to me until I finally answer.