Run Dedeaux Run

Image by doug88888 via Flickr

Today is the big day.  I got to run on the street again after months.  My last ‘real’ run was July 20 and I ran 8 miles on the treadmill.  I’d been running on the treadmill for several weeks because I thought it would help spare my knee.  I was so wrong…

The big day.  I went to bed sort of early – around midnight – which is early for me.  I woke up at 9:30.  Not on purpose.  I kind of remember waking up earlier and being kind of confused about what time my daughter needed to be at school.  I went back to sleep and woke up pretty refreshed at 9:30.  I don’t remember sleeping until 9:30 in a long time.  I’m pretty sure my daughter got to school.  I didn’t have any calls or text messages from a panicking teen wondering why I’m not ready to drive her to school, so yeah…  She got to school.

I rolled out of the bed and immediately went to the closet to get dressed for my big run.  Alright.  My running clothes are all smaller than me now.  LOUD SIGH.  I have gained an insane amount of weight wallowing in pity and using my knee as an excuse to not do ANY kind of exercise.  LOUD SIGH again.  First things first, though.  GREAT FOUNDATION.  I was reading a funny article written by Clinton Kelly on fashion faux pas the other day that included this cheer: 

1…2…3…4… Get your boobies off the floor!   5…6…7…8… Now’s the time to elevate!

That is hilarious to me and such great advice! 🙂 

Back to my running outfit for today.  I found some shorts and a shirt that I could breathe in.  I checked for camel toes, muffin tops, dunlaps,  etc. and I was good to go.  (Except that I can’t find my good earbuds.  I love my Apple products but these danged Apple earbuds suck.)

I was a little nervous about the ‘run’ but hurried on out the door.  Here we go!

This is pretty much what it was like:  “I’m out here.  I’m walking real fast.  Okay, now it’s time to run.  OUCH!  The concrete street is much less giving that the treadmill and it’s not moving under my feet.  I’ve got to propel myself??  And what’s all this gasping for breath about???  UGH.  This is gonna be hard.  Okay.  I can do this.  A minute is a long time to run.  What did I just say to myself?  A minute is NOTHING!  STOP IT.  (I talk to myself when I run.)  Alright.  Get it together.  Those last three minutes were just a warm up.  I got this.  (yes – poor grammar, but that’s what I said to myself)  Think about your breathing.  Stop bouncing.  Stop worrying about your knee.”

I eventually got a good breathing rhythm going and it actually felt good.  I remember what it is about running that I like.  It was just me and I could only do what I could convince my body was within reach.  At first, I was a little confused.  I really wanted to run but it really hurt.  Then I decided that it didn’t really hurt so much as it felt different.  My knee felt big still.  That makes sense because I’ve still got some fluid on it.  I felt really tired much quicker than I felt I should.  That makes sense because running uses different muscles and requires different breathing than the elliptical machine or even the treadmill.  So much going on but at the same time very simple.  I can go as far as I can convince myself I can go. 

I didn’t go far – only 2.5 miles.  I was convinced I could go further but I am also convinced that I need to follow instructions and my instructions are to take it slow.  Slow is better than not moving at all, right?

“You’re healed!” That’s what the nurse told me when I walked out of the examination room at the doctor’s office.  I’m healed!  Hallelujah and praise the Lord! 

I’m not really ‘healed’ – I just don’t need to see the doctor again unless something goes wrong.  I knew this was my last visit to him and as I sat there for THIRTY minutes in the exam room, I thought of a really witty but sincere way to tell him that I think it sucks to keep patients waiting so long.  I was gonna tell him in no uncertain terms that my time is valuable, too.  But, alas…  I punked out.  I just sort of but not really glared at him to let him know what I was thinking.  It made a big impact on him, too.    Anyhow…  I’m done with the orthopoedist and I must say that I’m glad.  (Side note:  I got an EOB that states that my insurance has deemed over 8K of his services related to my surgery ‘unnecessary’ and ‘irregular’…  hmmm…)

So…..  I also had physical therapy today (I had to get up WAAAAY too early this morning)  and I RAN ON THE TREADMILL!  I was so excited, I was smiling the whole time.  It was really great.  I only ran for a little bit (you know, that whole finger pinch, squinty eye thing) but I am so glad.  It seems like there really is light at the end of the tunnel.  I ran for a total of three minutes, but it didn’t hurt at all and I really felt like I could have kept going.  (Yes…  I know that is a problem.)  I walked 3 minutes and ran 1 minute three times.  On Thursday, I will walk 3 minutes and run 2 minutes.  So, we meet again!  I am feeling hopeful, excited and relieved.

I planned to run a little bit over the weekend, but the days got away from me and I didn’t have the chance.  I was sort of scared that I would start running and it would really hurt and I wouldn’t be able to keep it from showing on my face.  So my plan was to ‘practice’ at the gym.  If it hurt, I was going to figure out how to make it look like it wasn’t really hurting.  (Yes…  I know that is a problem.  I’m misguided but still very self-aware!)  As it turns out, I didn’t need the practice and that, my friend, is a good thing.

I’ve got two more physical therapy sessions left.  Or at least I’ve been authorized by my insurance company to go to two more physical therapy sessions – which is pretty much the same thing.  I’m stopping when the insurance stops paying…  But THAT is another topic for somebody else’s blog.

Therapy has gotten a little harder each time.  I’ve been doing a little more on my own in between sessions and I am SOOOO excited.  I feel stronger.  I can bear my weight on my knee for the most part.

What’s easy:  walking, the elliptical, stepping up from the side, straight leg lifts, quad exercise on the ‘Total Gym‘

What’s kinda hard/hurts a little:  cycling, stepping on a stair facing it, squats

What hurts:  everything on the ‘whats kinda hard/hurts a little category after about 10 minutes

Next week, the plan for physical therapy will include…  drum roll, please…  RUNNING!!!   Just a little bit, though.  The kind of little bit where you put your thumb and index finger REALLY close together…  you know, and you squint your eyes as you say it.  I don’t care, though.  A little finger pinch, squinty eyed ‘little bit’ is more than none at all!  Maybe I’m more excited that this event warrants.  Nah….  This is big!!

I’m thinking about cheating and running a little at the gym on Saturday or Sunday just so I’ll sort of know what to expect at therapy.  It can’t hurt, right??

First, I have to figure out how much is a little bit…

Fun times ahead 🙂

New me went back to the gym today.  It was only TECHNICALLY ‘today’ since I got there at 1:00 a.m..  Don’t ask…

Here’s what I did:

1. bike – 10  minutes to warm up a little bit
2. weird elliptical machine – 28 minutes
3. treadmill – walked backward 10 minutes (slow, no incline)

Let me explain what I mean by ‘I just don’t listen’.  My physical therapist asked how I was doing and what exercise I’d done since Monday.  I thought about NOT telling him about the gym activity, but gave him the rundown anyway.  I AM a grown woman, right?  I can do whatever I want as long as I’m okay with the consequences.  So, I told him everything.  At first he said, “Uh, that’s not what I told you to do.”  But then he said he was actually kind of glad that I don’t listen.  Now we know that I can do more than he thought (more than I thought).  Alrighty then.  That worked out. 

My PT session went fine.  I am still a little weak on steps.  It hurts a little bit going up and a little more going down but it’s manageable.  I can almost bend my knee like normal – both ways.  Did you know your knee flexes a little bit forward?  Hopefully EVERYONE’S knees do that and not just mine!  Anyway.  I’m getting there. 

Back to the gym.  My knee hurt on the bicycle.  I guess because of the repetitive motion while it’s bent at the angle that hurts anyway.  I just kept going.  Who stops during warm up? 

I don’t know what kind of elliptical machine I was using but it is weird to me.  Instead of the regular back and forth smooth motion of the old timey  machines, this one has glider things for your feet that will actually mimic stairs, jogging or full out running.  I tried to keep my motion within the stair climbing range but I spilled over into the area of jogging for a good amount of time.  I got pretty winded (which bothered me) and I got a great work out of my thighs.  They were really hurting by the time I got off.  My knee hurt a little while I was on the machine, but immediately stopped when I got off. 

No big mystery about walking backward on the treadmill.  I got on, set the speed (no incline) and walked backward.  😉

No random thoughts while I worked out.  Not really.  There were a couple of guys on machines in front of me, so I kinda alternated between watching them, watching TV and listening to my music.

I am really trying to shift my focus from what I cannot YET do to what I can do right now.  It’s hard sometime, though.  So far, not following instructions from the PT have worked out but I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to just run.

I’ll be back out on the street before long.  (running…)

Okay, I am officially going to stop being a lazy butt.  It is SOOOOO easy for me to do NOTHING  because I can’t do what I want.   Enough is enough – I hope…  I’ve had the ‘green light’ to hop on the eliptical, walk and do water exercises for two weeks now but how many days have I actually been?  Sadly, I can count them on half a hand.  I have become a stranger to half of the clothes in my closet.

So, I got up this morning and went to the gym.  It went okay.  I got tired quicker than I thought I would.  I sweat more than I thought I might doing what I did.  I was more tired when I was finished than I figured I’d be, too.  My knee hurt a little bit but it stopped pretty quickly.  From what I understand, that is a good thing.

What did I do at the gym??

1. 15 minutes on bicycle with no tension – I’m not supposed to add any tension, yet
2. 17 minutes on the eliptical – I was only supposed to do 8 or 9 but I couldn’t help myself
3. 12 minutes walking on the treadmill (I stopped when my husband was finished with his run)  I walked the last couple of minutes backward to work on my quads

What random things did I think about while at the gym?  Hmmm…  My husband and I were the only ones there when we got there so that was kind of boring.  A couple of people came in.  Now, don’t get all in a bunch about this, because I’ve been this person before…  Two kind of large ladies came in and I thought “I bet they’re coming now so they can work out without people seeing them.”.  I felt kind of sad for them UNTIL one lady got on the treadmill walking FAST at what looked like a 20 percent incline.  Is that possible?  I don’t now.  I never have more than about 3 percent.  Anyway…

So one plumpish lady was on the treadmill walking WAY uphill and the other one was on the eliptical moving pretty fast and was on it longer than I was.  So I didn’t feel bad for what they could do at the gym, but I did still decide in my mind that they were there so no one would see them working out.  Maybe I’m wrong.  And don’t get all mad.  It’s just what I thought.  I’m glad they were there.  They were probably there this last month while I was at home being lazy.

And, it never fails.  Some lady who looked like she weighed about 85 pounds came in moving like a maniac on the eliptical.  Ugh…  If I could have tripped her, I would have.  Not really.  No, really.  Okay, just kidding.  But I did roll my eyes at her a few times just for good measure.  I wonder if anyone has ever had that though about me.  I can dream…

So, I’m in a pretty good mood about things.  I have some backup plans for marathons after my original goal of the Dallas White Rock on December 4.  It is not looking that good for me to be ready for that one. I’m still looking at The Louisiana Marathon on January 15:  http://www.thelouisianamarathon.com/ and the Allen New Year’s Double Marathon.  Both have some positives and drawbacks.  The Louisiana Marathon is in Baton Rouge and the Allen New Year’s Double Marathon runs in circles.  Really.  The full marathon runs the same route four times.  I don’t know if I can get my mind around that.  When I head back on a route, I need to be going home. 

We’ll see.  But, guess what?  I am still going to run a full marathon. 

So like my new favorite hip hop artist says:  “Keep my eyes on da prize, see my haters tell ’em HI!”  (I don’t know who my haters are but I like this line anyway!!)

Physical therapy went okay today.  I am discovering just how weak my quad muscle over ‘the’ knee has become.  That is very weird to me, though.  It’s as if I NEVER exercised that side of my body.  How could I lose strength that quickly?  Oh, well..

I can see progress from my first PT visit.  Movements hurt less, I can bend more and it generally does not hurt afterward – which I’m told, is a good thing.  I have a bit of pain going up stairs and my right leg isn’t as strong.  It trembles just a little bit on the up motion when going up stairs.  Coming down hurts just a tad as well.  Things are looking up.

My plan is to start walking and using the elliptical machine for a few minutes each day.  That makes me kind of happy.

Honestly, I don’t know if I can actually run a marathon, but I CAN finish one..  😉

Til next time!

I am much better.  My knee hurts much less.  I can bend it much more.  I can walk around all day before it starts getting achy.  I’ve gotten the OK to get on the elliptical machine for a ‘few minutes’. 

This is really killing me.  I am still very tempted to take some pain medicine – the good kind 😉 and run.  I won’t, though.  This is killing me, though.

It’s been a little while since I’ve felt I’ve had anything blog worthy to post.  Not sure if I do now but at least I feel like it. 

It’s been two and a half weeks since my surgery.  It went well.  The doctor said it looked like the damage to my knee was caused not by over use, but by falling on it.  …sigh..   He cleaned the frayed and broken cartilage and said I should be able to resume regular activities fairly soon.  I don’t know what fairly soon means, but whatever.  I have been told that deep squats and deep lunges are out of the picture for me.  Yay! 

I went home from the surgery kind of stunned.  My knee was HUGE and hurt really bad.  I was able to get around on the crutches pretty soon after the surgery, progressed to no crutches within a few days and was walking up and down the stairs without much help within a week.  I could kind of see where my knee cap was about a week and a half after surgery but it still looked puffy and weird.   In hindsight, I think I was contributing to the puffiness.  I didn’t rest or relax nearly as much as I should have.  Some of this was out of necessity, some from boredom.

Last week I was in a funk.  It is hot as fish grease here and I feel like I’ve been stuck in the house doing nothing forever.  I’ve set my clock every day to go on an early walk an every morning my knee hurts and I’ve decided it’s too soon.  After a couple of days, I couldn’t decide if it was REALLY too early or if I’m just chicken or lazy or something…  Do I really want to recover and get back to running.  Have I started doubting this running thing myself?  Am I using this surgery as an excuse to not work to reach my goal of running a marathon?  Hmmm…  I hope not.  I don’t think so.  No.

So here I am!  I’ve started physical therapy with the same guy that I was seeing before surgery.  I was wrong about him, too.  He’s not British.  He’s from New Zealand.  He still hates running and still doesn’t know why I even want to bother with it, but I’m okay with that.  My first session was encouraging.  He thinks that I’ve got a lot more strength in my leg than he thought I would have so soon after surgery and he seemed to think ‘recovery’ would be quick.  He was positive and upbeat and I left feeling the same way. 

I know I won’t be out running next week, but I might be out walking.  That is how I started running in the first place.  I have a (sort of) back up plan if it is just not physically possible to be ready for the December marathon.  There is another one in Louisiana that I could surely be ready for – and the weather will still be cool. 

So, as you are reading this, I am doing my leg lifts, quad exercises and stretching my knee.  I can’t keep feeling sorry for myself because I can’t run RIGHT NOW.  Thinking that way has not served me well.  I need to either work hard and do what I can do NOW to get myself ready or just quit.  My grandmother (the preacher’s wife) used to tell us to either ‘piss or get off the pot’.  I’m not getting off the pot.

I am gonna run a marathon.  🙂

It’s been three days since I got the bandage taken off of my knee and I’m feeling better every day. I’m still taking medicine for the pain but only at night.   I’ve been using just one crutch to walk around when I’m not at home. I’ve also been trying to bend my knee more. That’s not going so great. I can bend it, but can’t put any weight on it while it’s bent.

This morning, while walking down the stairs, I was painfully reminded that I am NOT recovered and I have serious limitations. I was trying to walk down the stairs like ‘regular’ and almost fell. I’m not sure what happened, but my food slipped and my knee gave out and I slipped down two steps. I caught myself, but it was scary. I had two glasses, my phone and iPad in my hands. Note to self: Be more careful.

I feel like my leg is a foreign object that happens to be attached to my body and I keep dragging it around with me for some reason. I want my old leg with my old knee back.