I can talk myself out of doing most anything, quickly and on the fly. I am very convincing like that. I can appeal to my rational side while also roping in the emotional me.
Who’s going to know if I stop? Who’s going to care? I’m supposed to be taking it easy anyway, right? Pain is an indicator that something is wrong and I should really take the next cut-through back to the house. Two weeks ago, I could only run 3 miles. I’ve run three miles already – I’m ahead of the game! Ouch! I think my hip is still messed up. Seriously. If I keep going I’ll be back at the doctor tomorrow. Walk now to save up energy to run later. Wait til I’ve gotten all of my strength back. This hill is going to hurt. This music is the wrong tempo. I have an underwear malfunction (yes, those exist!) – I need to get home. I shouldn’t run too far on these new shoes. I should break them in slowly. blah, blah, blah I am the MASTER of negative, talking-myself-out-of-stuff. Sad, but true.
So… I was running along this morning and it was like I had an epiphany and realized what i was doing. Who the heck can do their best when they’re constantly trying to talk their own damned self out of something? I kinda got mad at myself because I know better. As hokey as it sounds, I started trying to focus on the GOOD about my run.
I WANTED to run. Three weeks ago, I was WALKING on a treadmill and look at me now. I ran 12 miles last week. That is GREAT. I’m pacing faster than last week. I have some great new cushy shoes on that are going to help me stay ‘hurt free’. My knee feels pretty good considering this is only week three back on the street running. I’m not out of breath. I’m not flailing about. My arms and shoulders are loose and relaxed. I’ve ALREADY run half way. Take one step at a time. How great will I feel when I’m finished??
I ran five miles this morning. I got caught at two traffic lights so I did stop for a few seconds at each. It felt okay until about 4-1/2 miles. I started really slowing down and got really fatigued. I’m convinced that it’s mostly mental. I lose it at this stretch no matter how far I’ve run. It’s uphill and the last little piece before I get home. I need to figure out how to beat this stupid section but until then, I just chug, chug along as fast as I can. I hit five miles before I got home and I stopped almost immediately after the voice said “You’ve reached your goal of five miles” because I was SPENT. After walking a few steps, I was fine again – which confirms that the trouble I have on the hill toward home is mostly mental.
My goal is to run ALL OF THE WAY HOME by Friday. I THINK that’ll make about 5.25 miles. That’s perfect because next week I want to run 6 miles.
I have what it takes to do this. I just need to figure out how to use what I have in the best way to get me where I want to go.