Doubt is Not a Pleasant Position

Fifty five days to go til my marathon!

Now is not the time to flounder on training runs and cross training, but that is what I seem to have been doing.  Let me ‘splain…

Two weeks ago, something really important trumped my training runs for 3 days, then I was out of town and forgot my contact lenses, then it was raining.  Blah, blah, blah.  You get the picture, though.   I haven’t really had a good reason to NOT be doing what I KNOW I should have been doing.

I missed a long run.  Let that sink in.  I missed a 17 mile run.

I ate ALL last weekend in Louisville, Kentucky:  went to a “Hog and Barrel Dinner’, ate delicious pancakes, snacks, miscellaneous pastries, football game food, ‘adult beverages’.  It was a setback in eating and training.  I had a wonderful time, though.  I shall remind myself of this when the guilt starts to seep back into my head.

So, last week, I did a bit better.  I only missed my Sunday track run.  It was 10-11 miles of timed runs.  Not good, but I did do everything else as scheduled.  My long run on Friday was 15 miles.  I ran 15.38 and felt pretty okay.  I started getting a little achy in the hip and one knee around 11 but it kind of worked it’s way out by 14.  I felt fine afterward.  Friday was a busy day, so I really didn’t have any rest to speak of until very late in the evening.  I was a little worried that I’d feel stiff on Saturday morning, but I didn’t.  Yay!  That has to count for something, right?

I have had this uneasy feeling for about 3 weeks.  I am starting to doubt.  Yes, I know.  There’s no place for doubt in marathon training – or any other kind of training, I guess.  I feel it, though.  On the one hand, I tell myself that if all else fails, I can surely WALK when I can’t run and will still be able to have some fun and finish on time.  The whole point of this second marathon was to enjoy it.  On the other hand, I feel like I am not fully prepared.  I doubted the training program at first, but now it is more my own personal resolve that I doubt.

So, which is it?   Am I feeling the doubt that Shakespeare allegedly wrote about “doubt is called the beacon of the wise” or that of Khalil Gibran:  “doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother” ?

What is the point of all of this?  I don’t know, but I am trying to not let my feelings of doubt sink to despair.  It’ll all be over then.  I wouldn’t mind a little certainty, even if it is absurd.  😉

Until next time.

Aside | This entry was posted in Fitness, Marathon, Running, Training. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Doubt is Not a Pleasant Position

  1. Nina says:

    Enjoy your first marathon! The most important part is to finish with a smile, you still can get faster next time. I missed a lot of runs (also a long run) during my marathon training due to sickness and injury. I never run longer than 25 km, I never run more than 60 km a week (and only once over 50 km). Why I tell you that? To let you know that you can do it! It’s more a mental game than anything else.

    • RunDedeauxRun says:

      Thanks – this will be my second marathon. I did not enjoy the first one at all – except when I was finished!

      I appreciate the encouragement! 🙂

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