Meltdown and Now Looking for my Aleve

Hand wringing is over and to say that I am disappointed would be an understatement.  Remember – I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wanted to get my knee surgery over with as soon as possible.  I figured if I could knock it out in early July, I’d be back on track with my training by the end of July and I’d have a full 4 months get ready for the marathon.  I’m not having surgery until July 22.  …crap…  So…  Should I give my husband’s suggestion to run a later race more consideration?  I don’t know.  You may want to pull out that party dress, ’cause I’m feeling real sorry for myself again.

The woman who scheduled the surgery may recommend me for a psych evaluation because I started to cry when it was obvious that ASAP was not going to happen.  I’m not sure what made me cry.  I called my husband crying.  I am becoming a cryer and that is not a good thing.  What is the deal with the water works???  Is it that I am afraid my December 4 goal is moving further and further out of reach?  Maybe.  Had I already created a reality in which the surgery was happening on my schedule and not the doctor and hospital’s?  Maybe.  Am I fed up with the ‘stumbling blocks’?  Maybe.  Does any of this make anything any better?  No.  Maybe that’s what I’m most upset about.  I don’t have control over any of this stuff.  I couldn’t will my knee to be better.  I wished for an early surgery date and didn’t get it.  Before the ‘sad song’ violins drown out my thoughts, I guess I’ll move along.  I’m going to have the surgery and it’ll be up to me to make something happen after that.

Today was my ‘XT’ (cross training) day.  I did yard work.  In the heat.   I was tired afterward and I’m already sore so I think it should count.  I will run tomorrow on the treadmill – in pain if I have to but I’m pulling out my old friend Aleve!  Aleve always made it better!  I lived on Aleve last fall and winter.  Yes, I know that is probably part of the reason I am where I am.  ;-/  Anyway.  I’m going to start taking Aleve for the pain/inflamation because right now, it doesn’t matter if I’m masking the pain.  I know what the problem is and it’s getting fixed in a few weeks.

Thanks for visiting!  I promise I won’t always be such a downer.

I can do this.  I can do this.  I can do this.  (Ever hear the expression ‘speak it til you believe it’?)

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One Response to Meltdown and Now Looking for my Aleve

  1. Shells says:

    Look at the nike marathon plan. You may be able to still run. The plan I looked at allowed you to start training in august and still be ready for the race in December. If you don’t do it you know Im definitely O-U-T!!

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