Hand wringing is over and to say that I am disappointed would be an understatement. Remember – I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wanted to get my knee surgery over with as soon as possible. I figured if I could knock it out in early July, I’d be back on track with my training by the end of July and I’d have a full 4 months get ready for the marathon. I’m not having surgery until July 22. …crap… So… Should I give my husband’s suggestion to run a later race more consideration? I don’t know. You may want to pull out that party dress, ’cause I’m feeling real sorry for myself again.
The woman who scheduled the surgery may recommend me for a psych evaluation because I started to cry when it was obvious that ASAP was not going to happen. I’m not sure what made me cry. I called my husband crying. I am becoming a cryer and that is not a good thing. What is the deal with the water works??? Is it that I am afraid my December 4 goal is moving further and further out of reach? Maybe. Had I already created a reality in which the surgery was happening on my schedule and not the doctor and hospital’s? Maybe. Am I fed up with the ‘stumbling blocks’? Maybe. Does any of this make anything any better? No. Maybe that’s what I’m most upset about. I don’t have control over any of this stuff. I couldn’t will my knee to be better. I wished for an early surgery date and didn’t get it. Before the ‘sad song’ violins drown out my thoughts, I guess I’ll move along. I’m going to have the surgery and it’ll be up to me to make something happen after that.
Today was my ‘XT’ (cross training) day. I did yard work. In the heat. I was tired afterward and I’m already sore so I think it should count. I will run tomorrow on the treadmill – in pain if I have to but I’m pulling out my old friend Aleve! Aleve always made it better! I lived on Aleve last fall and winter. Yes, I know that is probably part of the reason I am where I am. ;-/ Anyway. I’m going to start taking Aleve for the pain/inflamation because right now, it doesn’t matter if I’m masking the pain. I know what the problem is and it’s getting fixed in a few weeks.
Thanks for visiting! I promise I won’t always be such a downer.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. (Ever hear the expression ‘speak it til you believe it’?)