Alright: click here to Que the Violins! This will set the tone for my mood right now.
I’m feeling a little bit melancholic today. I woke up with a sore throat, a tired body and head that just wasn’t in the game. My brain was busy thinking of all of the reasons I should NOT get out of bed. It was COLD outside but it felt warm and cozy in bed. I can pretend that the daily hustle of driving ‘Miss Daisy’, being a do-gooder, and regular ‘chief cook and bottle washer’ is not waiting for me outside of the warmth of my blanket. Everything is pleasant, lazy and cozy under the cover of the blanket. Christmas decorations and the Christmas tree don’t need to be taken down in the world I’ve created under the blanket!
I did get up, partially because I had to take my daughter to school and partially because I felt like a loser for not wanting to run. One should not be motivated by negative thoughts, but seriously, that was the only thing that worked. What kind of ‘runner’ could I be if I didn’t want to get up and run? How am I going to run TWENTY SIX POINT TWO miles next month if I am not committed to training? So – yeah. I felt like a loser for not wanting to get up – sore throat, tired body and all.
Why am I struggling so much lately? Is it that I’m thinking negatively? Has the running just caught up with me? Am I NOT committed to my training? Do I REALLY want to do this? Is this normal? I feel like I am struggling more than I should be struggling at this point. I am starting my 15th week of training and I thought by now that I’d be coasting to the end.
I feel like a schizophrenic. One week I’m happy and content with my training and the next week… well, the next week, let’s just say I’m NOT so happy. (I saw a sign this weekend at the run that said “No one MADE you do this!” I need to remind myself of this every day.) The scary part is that while I feel like I’m sinking, I don’t know how to stop it. Maybe that’s it. I’m just scared. Surely, that’s normal. Or is it?