The countdown begins!  Only 10 days til my very first (only??) full marathon!  I am excited, nervous, scared…

Last night, I asked my husband this question:  “What if I can’t finish the race?”  He answered, “It’s not just about the race.  It’s about the whole journey.  You set a goal and worked hard to achieve it.  Lots of people start marathons and don’t finish.  Lots of people have bad runs – even elite athletes get hurt and can’t finish.  I wouldn’t be too disappointed for not finishing….(insert some other words that start to run together and all sound the same…)  Are you tearing up thinking about it?  What were you expecting me to say?” 

Me:  “Uh, not that.”

Husband:  “You asked me what if you didn’t finish.  I think you will finish but that’s not what you asked me.”

So.  Let me just say up front.  I am not fishing for ‘atta girls’ or ‘you can do its’.  I appreciate them but please don’t feel compelled to sling them at me.  I just want to share how I REALLY feel right now.  This IS (has been?) a  journey.  I have traveled between high, chest pounding self confidence to considerable self-doubt, to mind numbing devotion to the plan – just get it done at all costs devotion, giddiness (yes, I get giddy!) and sheer, spirit crushing sadness.  I’ve traveled all of this way on my over-pronating feet, knock knees, wide hips, ‘ample bust’ (well, I guess I wasn’t traveling on my bust literally…), my faithful Brooks Adrenalins, my faith, my husband’s shoulders, my friends’ well wishes and last but not least, on sheer naivete.  What in the world was I thinking?  “I’m going to run a marathon…”  Sigh.

My husband was right last night.  I DID ask “What if I don’t finish”.   My focus lately hasn’t been on whether or not I’ll finish  but it’s been on ‘what if i don’t finish’.  What if, indeed.  What if?  I am scared and actually dreading February 5.  “What If” has set in.  What if it’s raining?  What if it’s hot?  What if it’s too humid?  What if my knee hurts?  What if my hips start hurting?  What if i have another anxiety attack (if that’s what it was)?  What if everyone finishes the race except me?  Ugh.  Yeah.  This is a journey – to crazy land! 

When I think rationally, I know that I have trained as well as I knew how.  Was it good enough, though?  Did I miss something?  Should I have run harder, further, faster, less?  There’s stuff that I know I should have done:  like lose weight.  I’ve lost a pound or two but what if I had dropped 10-15 pounds, would I feel better about things, now?  Maybe.  I don’t know.  I toyed with the idea of getting those knee straps to run with.  I also thought about wearing a compression wrap on my knee during runs.  Is it too late?  I’ve still got a 10 mile run in two days.  What if I did those things?  Would it help?  The race changed the fuel gel from Accel to Gu.  What if Gu makes me sick?  I’ve trained with Accel.  Do you get a picture of the turmoil going on in my brain right now?  I am stressed out.   It’s not much fun.

I approached this, as I do most things, with the idea that if I work hard and do the right stuff, I will be successful.  I’ve been using my ‘journey’ and this blog to hopefully encourage someone else to give running, exercise and fitness a chance.  I’ve used the “if I can do it, you can too” motto.  I’m supposed to be proving that hard work pays off.  It’s a journey, but I WANT TO GET TO THE FINISHED LINE of this journey.  I know that all of the steps that I’ve traveled to get this far are important but I traveled all of these steps to FINISH.  What’s the use in walking to the bakery only to peer into the window at the cakes?  Why climb NEARLY to the top of a mountain?  Why learn the dance steps and never dance at the ball? 

What am I willing to do to finish?  I am going to go until I can’t go any more.  Honestly, I don’t care what shape I’m in on Monday.  Just.  Keep.  Going.  I watched a video of a lady approaching a marathon finish line and she was slowly falling apart until she just fell down, ran out.  She and some other person were crawling toward the finish line.  The video is titled “Hilarious Marathon Finish” but I didn’t think it was funny.  It made me start to cry.  I will crawl across the line if that’s all I have left…(click to watch video)  “Ain’t no shame in my game!”

Alright, I know some things are simply beyond my control.  If I hurt myself, pass out, get sick, cramp up or crap out and can’t finish the race…  I still have all of the experiences that got me TO the race.  That might have to be enough.

The other day I read a blog titled Top 10 Reasons I Hate Runners – or something like that. CLICK HERE TO READ IT:  http://www.chicagonow.com/lists-that-actually-matter/2010/10/top-5-things-to-hate-about-marathon-runners/

I’m pretty sure it was meant to be satirical but there was some serious hate in many of the comments.  Can’t say it was unwarranted if you didn’t get that it was a satire.   The author talked about ‘fatties’, runners talking about missing toes, runners ‘bragging’ about how many miles they’ve run, etc.  It really was kind of funny.  Anyway.  I decided to write about why I love runners – or at least some of the stuff that runners do.

Top 5 Reasons Why I Love Runners

#5:  Runners are disciplined and determined.  How many times have you seen that crazy person running along the side of the road when it’s raining or a 100 degrees?  They may be crazy BUT it is hard to stick with a program when the weather isn’t cooperating.  Have you ever been out on a Friday night and your friend (the runner) ends her night early because she has to run the next morning?  Discipline.  Trust me.

#4:  Runners like to share information and tips with other runners.  Don’t believe me?  Just walk into your local running shop and ask for advice about something, anything.  Of course the Chatty Cathys and Charlies will talk you up, but even the Closed Lipped Larrys will be surprisingly talkative, too.  It’s pretty nice.  More experienced runners will almost always try to help us newer runners wherever they can.

#3:  Runners often have GREAT stories to tell.  The subjects of these stories can range from crazy race experiences to losing toenails to incredible stories of triumph and beating the odds.  Some of the stories are so inspirational they can bring tears to the eyes.  Some are so funny you’ll wet your pants laughing!

#2: Runners are tough.  Missing a toenail?  No big deal – run anyway.  Dog chasing you?  No problem, stare it down…  okay – RUN FASTER!  Fall and get bruised up?  That’s okay – get up and keep going.

#1 Reason I love Runners:

Runners are encouraging and accepting of each other.  I know this first hand and have been the beneficiary of this encouragement and acceptance so many times I couldn’t count them.  Here, on my blog, I’ve written some pretty ‘down in the dumps’ type posts about my training and it never fails:  someone will post something to cheer me on or encourage me to keep going.  It seems like such a minor thing but it really means a lot.  There are countless sites devoted to runners’ forums, lots of facebook pages/groups where members post and receive encouragement.  There are also many, many running clubs, runners groups and runners meet and greet events that exist for the purpose of lifting up and encouraging each other.  That is pretty nice!

These are just some of the reasons I love runners.

Why do YOU love runners?

p.s.  17 days til my marathon!

Isn’t it great when you are struggling with something and BAM!  you see something that speaks right to you?

Here’s the Runner’s World Quote of the Day:

“It’s about you. It’s personal. You’re not racing against anyone else.

You only get one first time, so just enjoy the experience.”

-Kristie Cranford, Runner’s World Challenger of the Week

I should listen to my own personal advisor.  He’s been saying this all along.  I heard him but I guess I keep forgetting!

Last week, I ran woke up on Monday not REALLY feeling like running but I got out and tried.  On Tuesday, I had a headache, my throat was hurting and I felt tired and out of it, BUT I got on the treadmill and ran anyway.  When Wednesday morning rolled around, I had no energy, my throat was REALLY hurting, I had a runny nose, headache and my body was tired and hurting.  I didn’t run on Wednesday.

I didn’t run on Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday.  It was pretty stressful.  Saturday was supposed to be my final long run before the marathon.  Oh, boy!

I went through a myriad of scenarios during the week.  At first, I thought may be I could just rest a couple of days and do a short slow run on Friday and then just gut it out and run 22 miles on Saturday.  I just had this gnawing feeling that I shouldn’t run.  Then I’d have this awful feeling that I should at least TRY to run.  I went back and forth like that for most of the week.  As the days ticked by, it was obvious that I wasn’t going to run so I think I just gave up the idea – which actually felt good.  That good feeling was eventually replaced by the worry that I would be out of shape after a week of not running.  Would I be able to just pick up where I left off?  I’ve struggled during my training if I took two days off between runs.  I need consistency.  Sitting on my butt for 6 days without running is not consistency.

I knew this wasn’t going to be easy.   I was doing so well, too.  I hadn’t been sick, had a headache or had anything that got in the way of my training for 16 weeks!

On another note, my running shoes have been on their last ‘leg’ for a couple of weeks.  The shoes I got 3 months ago have 400 miles on them!  That is crazy!  On Sunday, I went to Luke’s Locker and tried on some shoes.  I always TRY to find a different shoe than I already have but it never works out.  If I weren’t so close to my marathon, I would have tried some Asics this time.  They felt very similar to my current Brooks Adrenalines and they were PURPLE!  I’m not that hot on purple, but this blue/grey that I’ve been wearing for two years is so boring!!!  I got the Adrenalines again.  (snooze)

I wore them this morning for my easy 5 mile run and they felt pretty good.  I was starting to have some arch pain in the old shoes.  The guy at Luke’s Locker explained how the compression of the sole caused the arch part of the shoe to be too elevated and thus ‘poke’ my arches too much.  (Okay, I’m not explaining it well, but it makes sense.)  My new shoes feel a little too new right now, but by Feb 5, I’ll have over 100 miles on them and they should be perfect. 

So, I ran 5 miles today.  At least I THINK I ran 5 miles today.  I ran for an hour and 4 minutes.  ALL of the regular treadmills were full at the gym today.  It IS January…    The only treadmill that was open was one of the big fancy ones with WAY too many buttons and options.  I couldn’t figure out how to fix it so I could see the speed and miles that I’d run.  Every time I tried to fiddle with it, it started over…  That is annoying.  So anyway.  I just put it on a speed that felt like 12 minute miles. 

I FELT PRETTY GOOD!  I was so worried that I would somehow forget how to run or I would be overly tired or something.  That didn’t happen.  I got a little tired/bored after about 45 minutes, but that’s what happens when I’m on the treadmill.  Nothing hurt, I wasn’t out of breath.  I felt pretty happy.  I guess I was worried for nothing last week.  Everyone said I needed rest.  I knew I needed rest.  Everyone said that I’d be fine this week.  I didn’t believe it.  I guess I was wrong!

This week, I am going to run last week’s miles.  I’m basically pretending that last week didn’t happen and that I have one less week of tapering than originally planned.

So, here’s what I’ve got planned for this week:

• Monday:  5 easy miles (it’s raining so I ran on the treadmill – considered running outside anyway but since I was JUST SICK last week, decided that was a stupid idea)
• Tuesday:  8  miles at marathon pace
• Wednesday:  5 miles at tempo pace (or doing intervals – I’ll decide Wednesday)
• Thursday:  rest
• Friday:  5 easy miles
• Saturday:  22 miles
• Sunday:  rest

This week, I am going to work on not getting too stressed out about my long run, making sure I’m hydrated during the week and eating better. 

26 days til my first marathon

Alright:  click here to Que the Violins!  This will set the tone for my mood right now. 

I’m feeling a little bit melancholic today.  I woke up with a sore throat, a tired body and head that just wasn’t in the game.  My brain was busy thinking of all of the reasons I should NOT get out of bed.  It was COLD outside but it felt warm and cozy in bed.  I can pretend that the daily hustle of driving ‘Miss Daisy’, being a do-gooder, and regular ‘chief cook and bottle washer’ is not waiting for me outside of the warmth of my blanket.  Everything is pleasant, lazy and cozy under the cover of the blanket.  Christmas decorations and the Christmas tree don’t need to be taken down in the world I’ve created under the blanket!

I did get up, partially because I had to take my daughter to school and partially because I felt like a loser for not wanting to run.  One should not be motivated by negative thoughts, but seriously, that was the only thing that worked.  What kind of ‘runner’ could I be if I didn’t want to get up and run?  How am I going to run TWENTY SIX POINT TWO miles next month if I am not committed to training?  So – yeah.  I felt like a loser for not wanting to get up – sore throat, tired body and all.

Why am I struggling so much lately?  Is it that I’m thinking negatively?  Has the running just caught up with me?  Am I NOT committed to my training?  Do I REALLY want to do this?  Is this normal?  I feel like I am struggling more than I should be struggling at this point.  I am starting my 15th week of training and I thought by now that I’d be coasting to the end.

I feel like a schizophrenic.  One week I’m happy and content with my training and the next week…  well, the next week, let’s just say I’m NOT so happy.  (I saw a sign this weekend at the run that said “No one MADE you do this!”  I need to remind myself of this every day.)  The scary part is that while I feel like I’m sinking, I don’t know how to stop it.  Maybe that’s it.  I’m just scared.  Surely, that’s normal.  Or is it?

I’ve finished 14 of my 18 weeks of marathon training.  Woo Hoo!

Where’s what the week was like:

• Sunday:  Christmas – Off!!  Spent the day/night in Houston.
• Monday:  I set out all of my clothes in the hotel room and went to bed with a plan to wake up and run in the gym.  Good job, right?  I planned to run on the TM since it was supposed to rain the next morning.  As I was trying to get comfortable to fall asleep, I remembered that I didn’t have my contacts.  It is impossible to run in glasses  – at least it is for me.  Strike 1.  For the next hour and a half, I struggled with restless legs.  I’ve never been diagnosed with it, but I have symptoms of Restless Leg Syndrome.  Sometimes when I lie down to go to sleep, my legs start hurting and the only thing that relieves the pain/discomfort is to rock my legs back and forth.  It’s pretty crappy.  Strike 2.  I did finally fall asleep, but after what seemed like an hour passed, my alarm went off.  Time to get up and run.  I was beyond drowsy and my throat was feeling kind of scratchy.  (My husband went to sleep feeling really bad with a sore throat.)  Strike 3.  Oh, well.  For a few hours, I kinda tricked myself into thinking that I’d run when we got back home.  That didn’t happen.

• Tuesday:  Slept late (school’s out!).  Ran 5 miles outside.  I got a Nike running watch from my husband for Christmas and this was my first run using it.  I like it!  My wrist is a little small so the watch is a teeny bit too big, but other than that, I enjoyed using it.  The numbers on the display are big and I can see them easily – unlike his Garmin.  I can’t see the display when I am wearing contacts.
• Wednesday:  5 miles of intervals on the treadmill.  I ran much faster than usual, averaging 9:54m miles.  I usually average 10:30m miles when doing intervals on the TM 
• Thursday:  9  miles going slow (combination of Monday and Friday’s ‘easy’ runs)  I was trying to ‘catch up’ with my miles after missing my run on Monday.  This was NOT a good idea.  I was tired and sluggish.  Four miles would have been plenty.   I had to ‘go’ for about half of the run and I started looking around for somewhere like a drugstore (which I’d already passed) and then I passed a spot in a wooded area where we passed a lady relieving herself in the trees last year.  Didn’t need to go THAT bad!
• Friday:  off

• Saturday:  New Year’s Double Half Marathon (While standing in line at packet pick up on Thursday, a woman asked me “Oh, are you running the 5K?”  Uh, yeah.  And the half marathon – and I’m training for a FULL marathon!  This annoys me – she looked at me and for whatever reason decided that I was running a 5K.   I know – move on – get over it.  Still makes me upset.  The run was a struggle.  I was tired – TIRED.  My husband and I ran together.  We averaged about 11:30m miles – so that was good.  I was feeling pretty bad about it – this was supposed to be an easy run.  How can I run a FULL 26.2 miles if I struggled to run 13??  sigh

• Sunday:  New Year’s Double 5K – My husband and I ran the second day so we could get this VERY NICE double medal plate/holder!!  It was windy and kind of cold.  My chest kept hurting from the cold air.   It was warmer than the day before so I don’t know what was going on with me.  I got my medals and the backer plate, though.

Total miles for this week:  38.5

TMI Alert! 

Earlier in the week, I was online searching for new running tights because one day, here in the Dallas area, it is going to be cold and I am going to need to run in it.  I came across a forum where a woman posted a question about running ‘commando’ style.  WHAT??  Who. Does. That?  Apparently, lots of people.  Where have I been?  Oh, FYI:  I am referring to WOMEN.  I think it’s fine for a man to run commando with tights AS LONG AS THEY ARE COVERED UP WITH SHORTS!!!  No ‘dangling’, please!  PLEASE!?!

So anyway, I started thinking…  There must be some benefit to running without underwear.  I mean, I can’t wear anything that I run in twice anyway;  I sweat too much – even in the cold.  So, cleanliness can’t be an issue.  I frequently have to tug and adjust my panties to stop them from pinching or riding up so WHY NOT RUN COMMANDO STYLE??  Should I be concerned about the ‘camel toe’?  Would it feel gross?  Is it unsanitary?  Would there be too much jingling?  What do you think?

Well…  I ran ‘commando’ on Saturday during the half marathon.  I was self conscious about it for a while and it seemed like I was sweating more than normal, which is strange.   I would have guessed that I would sweat LESS with less fabric on my body.  I enjoyed having one less thing to move around and get out of place while I ran.  If there was excessive jingling of ‘junk’, I didn’t notice it!

I found myself looking at other women to see if I could tell if they were wearing underwear.  Hopefully, I didn’t look too long at anyone!  A bunch of women looked like they were running without panties.  I saw a lady with tights on that were too thin and you could see clean through them!  It was very disturbing.  She was wearing black thongs and you could see them pretty clearly.  I wondered if the guy that she was running with maybe should have said something to her.  Eww.  I saw quite a few ‘camel toes’ on the course, too.  Size didn’t seem to matter where the CT was concerned, either.  There were big ones, small ones…   I was less bothered by them than I thought I would be.  How would you avoid ‘the toe’ with just tights on, anyway?

You know what I was more bothered by?  WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH RUNNING WITHOUT A BRA????  Am I jealous or concerned for these ladies’ breast health?  Quite a few women were running with just a tank top on.  I think I’m just jealous.  I could NEVER do that and it did look kind of comfortable.  But no… couldn’t do it – talk about disturbing and PAINFUL!   ANYWAY…

What’s the verdict on running commando?  It’s pretty comfortable albeit a little sweaty.  I do think, however, that you need to make sure your tights aren’t see through…  The running outfit takes on a whole new look then.

On to a new week!

No rest day this weekend and I’m getting pretty tired these days.  I don’t have any specific pain to point to.  I just feel weary.   I knew I would get to this point where I just didn’t want to run anymore.  I’ll just have to push through it, I guess.

Here’s what’s on my schedule for this week:

• Monday:  4 easy miles – outside
• Tuesday:  5 miles at marathon pace – I’m planning to run this outside instead of on the TM
• Wednesday:  6 miles doing intervals (not looking forward to this!) – on the TM
• Thursday:  off – I WILL SOOOOO NEED THIS DAY OFF!!!
• Friday:  5 easy miles – outside
• Saturday:  22 miles (my heart is beating fast just thinking about it…  I need to figure out WHERE I’m running.)

Total miles:  42 – w.o.w.

Wish me luck! 

I am not sure if I can do this or not, BUT I AM GOING TO GIVE IT ALL I’VE GOT.

Alright, sorry if you were thinking you were gonna get something other than my humble blog about training for a marathon!  I’ll try as hard as I can to be as riveting as the chant that inspired my title today.  If you don’t know it – here’s a video.  WARNING:  There are explicit lyrics.  I didn’t make it up – it’s just stuck in my head.  You’ll find out why, later.  PS…  I think Sandra Bullock is hilarious! 

So anyway.  I digress.  Today I ran 19 miles at a pace of 12:11 per mile.  You might be thinking “Oh, I’m sorry”, but for me, that was FAST!  Last week, I ran 17 miles at a pace of 12:08 per mile and the course was nearly completely flat.  This course today had rolling hills going out, some mixed in mid-way and then the same crappy hills heading back home.  So, I say:  “Yay me!”  12:11 was great!  I was tired, getting a little confused and a little achy in the hip by the end, but all in all, it was a good run.  I’ve never run that far before!!!

Preparation for the long run this week was a little different.  I got some Nuun tablets and have been slipping them in my water all week.  I’ve also been trying to drink more water.  I’ve been trying to get to bed earlier, too.  That’s a bigee for me.  I like staying up late.  I come up with all kinds of great ideas in the middle of the night.  I think I decided I’d run a full marathon late one night.  Hmmm…  was that a good idea???  Jury’s still out, I guess.  Last night, I had chili for dinner.  Not so great, but I did try to eat dinner earlier.  This morning, I had a couple big glasses of water, some wheat toast with peanut butter and a cup of coffee.  I planned to take a nap, but sleep was elusive.  I kept having to use the bathroom.  Thank you, coffee!  I felt pretty rested, though.  I’ve been doing my leg and hip exercises from physical therapy days and I’ve been using The Stick to massage my muscles.  I SERIOUSLY LOVE THE STICK!!  Love it. 

So, that’s how I got ready for the long run this week.  I am always thinking about the long run, but I do take my other runs seriously.  I ran 8 miles at my ‘marathon pace’ on Tuesday and did 5 miles of half mile intervals on Wednesday.  It was tough.  I alternated between my marathon pace and a minute faster than marathon pace.  By 5 miles, I was ‘wo out’.  I do both of these runs at the gym and the logic behind it was to give my knee a break from the hard concrete.  I also do two other ‘easy’ runs during the week.  I’ve been taking the dog with me to make sure they are the leisurely runs that they’re intended to be. 

Yes – I run a lot.  Five days a week.  A lot.  Sometimes I feel like all I ever do is run and rest from running.  I knew training for this marathon was going to be time-consuming, but I guess I really didn’t know HOW time-consuming.  Sure, the runs take up time, but then there’s:  reading about training, talking about training with anybody that inquires or who I think might be able to give me advice, planning running routes, getting ready to run and then resting after running.  WHEW!  Yep.  Training for a a marathon is time-consuming.  I’m in it for the long haul, though. 

Have I ever mentioned that I am kind of obsessive?  Yea, sometimes I go off the deep end…  a little…  My object of obsession now is the subject of ‘The Wall”  or “Bonking“.  I don’t think I’ve hit the wall, yet.  I’ve gotten really tired and felt like I’ve run out of steam, but in reading about the dreaded wall, I don’t think I’ve hit it.  When will I?  Will I?  If I do, what will it feel like?  If I do, how will I keep going?  Will I keep going?  U.G.H….  So many questions.  I read an article today by a guy named Michael Bane that listed 5 ways to avoid hitting the wall.  Number 1 was to run a training run of 26.2 miles.  The author’s logic was that if I am going to hit the wall, I should know what it’s like and how I will push through it.  My training plan DOES NOT include a 26.2 mile run.  I get to 22 miles and then start to taper.  That worries me.  No, I’m not going to try to run 26.2 miles as a training run.  Part of the ‘fun’ of training is to do the full distance for the very first time AT THE MARATHON. 

I’ve been questioned about my training schedule plenty of times and so far, I’ve kept to it.  I wish there was one sure-fire way to successfully complete a marathon.  Sadly, though, there is not.

I’ll keep investigating and figure out how I’ll push through it if I hit it.  Until then… “To the window, to the wall…”  Sandra Bullock cracks me up every time!  Maybe that’ll be my mantra during the race!

I ran further than I’ve ever run – again!  Today’s run was 17 miles and I finished it feeling pretty good.  Yay me!

A couple of days ago, I was struggling to figure out WHEN I could actually get this run done.  My husband and I were invited to a Christmas Brunch on Saturday morning.  In order to run 17 miles BEFORE the brunch, we’d have to start running around 5:30AM…  Uh – not happening.  I’ve gotten used to leisurely starting runs – even on the weekend.  5:30 AM is NOT my idea of leisure.  I figured we could do it AFTER the brunch if I didn’t eat too much ‘junky’ stuff.  So, it was a plan!  Run at 2:00 pm.

Running in the afternoon would be a new thing for me.  I ALWAYS run in the morning – before I’ve had much to eat and before I’ve done anything to get too tired.  Why didn’t I think about this before I decided on 2pm?

We got to the brunch and there was a LOT of food – waffles, sausages, bacon, eggs, rolls, casseroles, cake, and on and on and on.  I got in the buffet line and FINALLY saw a platter of veggies and some fruit.  Great.  I’ll eat healthy.  Then, I saw the bread pudding.  I love bread pudding so I got a piece.   Then, I got some scrambled eggs, a slice of bacon, some little bacon wrapped sausages and – well, you get the picture.  No bueno.  The plate that I served myself was not healthy.  Oh – I forgot, the lady that I was sitting and talking with brought me a glass of some kind of sweet (really sweet) drink.  Alrighty then…

So, how’s this late running gonna work out???  It was around 2:30 when we started running at White Rock Lake.  I love it there.  It’s so pretty.  Take a look:  http://www.watermelon-kid.com/places/wrl/tour/tour_index.htm

And we were off!  Why are the first few miles always the hardest?  Am I the only one that experiences this?  Today, I didn’t let it get to me.  I was huffing and puffing like crazy, though. By 8 or 9 miles, I was in a groove and was chugging right along.  I was feeling pretty good.  I kept having to check myself and slow down because I kept getting into my little zone and started running faster than I wanted to run.  Is that a good thing or a bad thing?  I don’t know.  I kept having to slow myself down because I was really worried about petering out before the end of the run.  (How did poor Peter become known for weak endings??)

It was a great run.  At the end, I felt pretty strong – like I could have run another mile or so.  Really.  That never happens – at least not to me – and surely not lately.  It was dark by the time we got finished and it had cooled down considerably.  My hands were pretty cold.  My knees had started to hurt and felt like they were swelling, but they felt fine after I stopped running and walked around a little bit.  So:  17 miles done – CHECK!  I love having a good run.  It’s what makes me go out for the next run.

Now for random thoughts and what not…

1. Note to self:  DO NOT EAT BACON WRAPPED SAUSAGES AND THEN RUN.  No details, but let me just say, they weren’t worth it.
2. Accel Gel – I THINK it is helping me maintain more energy and recover faster after long runs.
3. I wanna try some electrolyte tablets next week.  Here’s what I’m talking about:  http://www.nuun.com/what_is_nuun/?ck=Yx_FIBN6AfMHLUHj&vid=Yx_FIBN6AdAHLU7e&cktime=96787  Does this stuff make any difference?  The only thing I know about this is what I’ve heard from the people at Luke’s Locker – and they kinda want to sell you stuff so I feel like they might not be TOTALLY objective.
4. Eating before runs is a good thing.  I need to force myself to eat more before long runs.
5. Drinking more than a couple of swallows of water during a long run is also a good thing.  I drank more water today than usual and I didn’t have to use the gross Porta Potty and I couldn’t feel the water sloshing around in my stomach like I thought I might.
6. It’s rough being a busty runner.  Rough.  I got new Body Glide that really helped my toe, but…  I’ll just leave it at that.
7. I forgot!  I got The Stick!  I love this thing, already! 

Well, that’s it.  Here’s what my week looked like:

• Monday:  5 miles – taking it easy
• Tuesday:  8 miles at marathon pace on treadmill
• Wednesday:  4 miles doing intervals on treadmill
• Thursday:  off
• Friday:  3 easy miles jogging with my dog (I was supposed to do 5 miles but I just wasn’t in the mood!)
  

  my dog Sophie

• Saturday:  17 miles
• Sunday:  off

Total:  37 miles

Here’s what’s on my schedule for next week:

• Monday:  4 easy miles
• Tuesday:  8 miles on treadmill
• Wednesday:  5 miles doing intervals
• Thursday:  off
• Friday:  19 miles
• Saturday:  4 easy miles
• Sunday:  off (Christmas!!)

Total:  40 miles

I haven’t said this in a while, but I can do this!

No sense in dragging it out.  I fell.  On my knee that had surgery.  ugh 

So, how’d it happen?  I let a big wasp in the house (WHY ARE THERE STILL WASPS FLYING AROUND IN NOVEMBER ANYWAY??) and was sort of backing away from it and I tripped over our doggie gate.  So, I was moving backward quickly, my foot got caught on the gate and I hit the wood floor HARD on my knee.  Right away, it felt like hell.  The pain was so intense that I was curled up on the floor, grabbing my knee, rocking in pain.  I am not exaggerating. 

I had my phone in my hand and instinctively called my husband.  Poor guy….  At first, all I could do was yell “I fell, I fell”  over and over.  Then I started yelling “I fell on my knee” and was crying hysterically.  I don’t know what I was most upset about, the pain or the fact that I’d fallen on the knee that I just had surgery on back in July.  I kept thinking that I was gonna try to stand up and would realize that it was broken this time.  Can you even break your knee?  All I knew for sure was that I was in terrible pain and the dog was licking my arms and the side of my face like there was no tomorrow.

My husband was saying some stuff about how it would be okay, blah, blah, blah.  I appreciated it.  Actually, I was so glad that he answered.  I felt helpless lying on the floor and I really needed to hear his voice. 

When I got up, I realized nothing was broken.  I could walk with a limp.  I had yet ANOTHER big sore on my knee.  I think I have the worst looking knee in America.   I’ve got two nickel sized old scars from falling last year, my brand new nickel sized open sore from falling two days ago and three sets of triple incisions from knee surgery.  I look like I’ve led a really hard life if you can only see my knees.

So, enough of the belly aching.  I fell on Thursday.  I don’t run on Friday, so I had a full day and a half of icing and rest.  On Saturday morning, I got up and ran.  By then, I was walking without a limp.  It hurt a little going up the stairs and I could see a little puffiness from the fall, but I thought I was okay to run a little bit.  After all, I only needed to run ’5 easy miles’.  How many times have I questioned the term ‘easy’ when it’s attached to running 5 miles???  It wasn’t easy.  When I first headed out, it was sore and a little stiff.  After about a mile, it sort of loosened up and I felt alright.  By the time I got to 2-1/2 miles, my knee was getting more sore and I felt like I shouldn’t be running on it.  So…  I ran another mile and a half to my house.  It had started to rain and I just wanted to be back at home fast, so I ran.  (Uh…  not that I actually run fast…)

Now that a few hours have passed, my knee feels fine.  I’ve been sitting most of the day and I’ve also been icing it, BUT it really does feel fine.  It is strange.  Most of the discomfort while I was running was coming from the outside – like my SKIN over my knee was hurting.  It felt like it was stretching and that stretching was causing the pain.  The pain was very different from back before I had surgery.  That pain came from inside my knee. 

Maybe I am just rationalizing.  I’m scheduled to run 16 miles in the morning – which may or may not happen anyway.  It is going to be raining in the morning.

This is not running related, but I am sitting here reflecting on the past 12 months of my life and I really believe that this has been the absolute worst year of my life.  Lots of pitfalls, disappointment, bad things happening, health scares, and just general crappiness. 

I think that while I was lying on the floor in pain, I was most afraid that one of the few things that I (me, myself and I)  have  complete control over was gone.  That would be a very bad thing.