Monthly Archives: January 2012

Jan30

Too Much Time on My Hands

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Okay, so now I know what I will do this week since I’ve freed up some time not devoted to running. 

I am going to visit Weather.com and check the weather in Galveston 16 times a day and then send my husband an update.  I secretly believe that he only reads some of my emails – now, I’m pretty sure he won’t read them at all after today.

In case you are wondering:  Currently, there is a 40% chance of ‘scattered t-showers’ with 16mph winds.  Yay…

Ugh…  breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out.

Oh!  I ordered this today:  http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003V4A91W/ref=oh_o00_s00_i00_details

I’ve been wanting one and I’m wearing it for the marathon.

Jan29

Attitude & Effort

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There are only 7 more days until my first full marathon.  WOW!  It doesn’t seem exactly like YESTERDAY that I started training, but in the words of some old cliche maker:  Time flies when you’re having fun.  I confidently declared over a year ago that I was going to run a marathon.  I’m not sure how I made that decision, but I’ve been determined to follow through. 

A month after I made that declaration, my hips started hurting so much that I nearly stopped running.  Several visits to the Orthopedist, a couple of cortisone shots to the hip and knee, X-rays and an MRI later, it was determined that I needed knee surgery.  So after knee surgery, physical therapy , slow recovery and NINE months after my initial decision, I started ‘officially’ training for my first full marathon.

It’s been an interesting 18 weeks.  I’ve learned lots about myself and the people around me.  Some of it’s been great and some of it, I could have done without.  :-(   SURPRISE:  Some people don’t want you to be successful.  Some people are going to be jealous (yes…).  Some people just don’t get it.  That’s okay, though.  What I’ve gained from this far outweighs the few discouraging things.  More on those things in a later post.

Training is not over, yet.  My last week might be the most critical.  I’ve got to get my mind right!  Yesterday I was in the car with my husband and he had sports radio on.  I REALLY don’t get sports radio sometimes.  Seems like a bunch of people just rattling on and on about the same thing over and over…  (I’m getting sleepy thinking about it.)  BUT.   The point of this was that there was a man on who talked about attitude and effort.  He thought these were the two most important aspects of sports and I my husband and I agreed.  (The guy has a website in case you’d like to visit it: effortandattitude.org)  I started thinking about my own attitude and effort. 

Have I given this training my all?  Has my effort been worthy of the goal? I’ve often taken a few seconds to decide if I ‘gave it my all’ after a run.  Could I have done more?  I don’t mean I wonder if I could have run further or faster, but if I ran strong.  Did I use the run to focus on my form and my breathing or was I just dragging myself along any way I could?  Was there a purpose for each of my runs?  Was the effort that I put into each of my runs worth the time to do the run?  I guess the answer is ‘sometimes’.  No, I think ‘usually’.  Sometimes the only ‘effort’ could put into my run was to actually get out of the house and go.  Some runs were great:  focused and purposeful, tough.  All in all, I think my effort was worthy of the goal of finishing this marathon. 

How about my attitude?  Have I let myself get down, mad, sad, discouraged so much that it’s affected my outcome?  Have I pushed people away?  Have I made this l sport seem attractive to someone else with my attitude about it?  I know I’m not the official running ambassador, but I DO know that my attitude about it to a ‘non-runner’ might affect how they think about all runners.  More importantly though, have I had an attitude that would keep ME attracted to the sport, to my goal?  Have I second guessed myself too much?  Have I NOT taken criticism or questions about my training serious enough?  Have I poo-pooed an idea that maybe could have helped me?  Hmm…  I. don’t. think. so…  I’m going to work on something that my sister talked about and I’ve always been intrigued by:  Positive visualization.  This week, I am focusing on a vision of myself at the FINISH line with that FINISHER’S medal in hand.  I know I can get across that line.   Positive attitudes reap positive results. 

So, this is my very last week of training before my very first marathon.  I have three 3-mile runs left (Monday, Wednesday and Friday).  I’ve looked at the weather forecast for Galveston and the temp will be between 50-55 degrees with humidity between 70-76%.  So…  I’ll be REALLY focusing on HYDRATING as well as my glycogen stores this week.  I need to channel my inner child-that-grew-up-in-Houston this week to get ready for the humidity…  It’s all good, though.

I CAN DO THIS!!  OH, YES I CAN!

Jan26

Ten Days til My Marathon!

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The countdown begins!  Only 10 days til my very first (only??) full marathon!  I am excited, nervous, scared…

 

Last night, I asked my husband this question:  “What if I can’t finish the race?”  He answered, “It’s not just about the race.  It’s about the whole journey.  You set a goal and worked hard to achieve it.  Lots of people start marathons and don’t finish.  Lots of people have bad runs – even elite athletes get hurt and can’t finish.  I wouldn’t be too disappointed for not finishing….(insert some other words that start to run together and all sound the same…)  Are you tearing up thinking about it?  What were you expecting me to say?” 

Me:  “Uh, not that.”

Husband:  “You asked me what if you didn’t finish.  I think you will finish but that’s not what you asked me.”

 

So.  Let me just say up front.  I am not fishing for ‘atta girls’ or ‘you can do its’.  I appreciate them but please don’t feel compelled to sling them at me.  I just want to share how I REALLY feel right now.  This IS (has been?) a  journey.  I have traveled between high, chest pounding self confidence to considerable self-doubt, to mind numbing devotion to the plan – just get it done at all costs devotion, giddiness (yes, I get giddy!) and sheer, spirit crushing sadness.  I’ve traveled all of this way on my over-pronating feet, knock knees, wide hips, ‘ample bust’ (well, I guess I wasn’t traveling on my bust literally…), my faithful Brooks Adrenalins, my faith, my husband’s shoulders, my friends’ well wishes and last but not least, on sheer naivete.  What in the world was I thinking?  “I’m going to run a marathon…”  Sigh.

 

My husband was right last night.  I DID ask “What if I don’t finish”.   My focus lately hasn’t been on whether or not I’ll finish  but it’s been on ‘what if i don’t finish’.  What if, indeed.  What if?  I am scared and actually dreading February 5.  “What If” has set in.  What if it’s raining?  What if it’s hot?  What if it’s too humid?  What if my knee hurts?  What if my hips start hurting?  What if i have another anxiety attack (if that’s what it was)?  What if everyone finishes the race except me?  Ugh.  Yeah.  This is a journey – to crazy land! 

 

When I think rationally, I know that I have trained as well as I knew how.  Was it good enough, though?  Did I miss something?  Should I have run harder, further, faster, less?  There’s stuff that I know I should have done:  like lose weight.  I’ve lost a pound or two but what if I had dropped 10-15 pounds, would I feel better about things, now?  Maybe.  I don’t know.  I toyed with the idea of getting those knee straps to run with.  I also thought about wearing a compression wrap on my knee during runs.  Is it too late?  I’ve still got a 10 mile run in two days.  What if I did those things?  Would it help?  The race changed the fuel gel from Accel to Gu.  What if Gu makes me sick?  I’ve trained with Accel.  Do you get a picture of the turmoil going on in my brain right now?  I am stressed out.   It’s not much fun.

 

I approached this, as I do most things, with the idea that if I work hard and do the right stuff, I will be successful.  I’ve been using my ‘journey’ and this blog to hopefully encourage someone else to give running, exercise and fitness a chance.  I’ve used the “if I can do it, you can too” motto.  I’m supposed to be proving that hard work pays off.  It’s a journey, but I WANT TO GET TO THE FINISHED LINE of this journey.  I know that all of the steps that I’ve traveled to get this far are important but I traveled all of these steps to FINISH.  What’s the use in walking to the bakery only to peer into the window at the cakes?  Why climb NEARLY to the top of a mountain?  Why learn the dance steps and never dance at the ball? 

 

What am I willing to do to finish?  I am going to go until I can’t go any more.  Honestly, I don’t care what shape I’m in on Monday.  Just.  Keep.  Going.  I watched a video of a lady approaching a marathon finish line and she was slowly falling apart until she just fell down, ran out.  She and some other person were crawling toward the finish line.  The video is titled “Hilarious Marathon Finish” but I didn’t think it was funny.  It made me start to cry.  I will crawl across the line if that’s all I have left…(click to watch video)  “Ain’t no shame in my game!”

 

Alright, I know some things are simply beyond my control.  If I hurt myself, pass out, get sick, cramp up or crap out and can’t finish the race…  I still have all of the experiences that got me TO the race.  That might have to be enough.

Jan19

Top 5 Reasons Why I Love Runners

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The other day I read a blog titled Top 10 Reasons I Hate Runners – or something like that. CLICK HERE TO READ IT:  http://www.chicagonow.com/lists-that-actually-matter/2010/10/top-5-things-to-hate-about-marathon-runners/

I’m pretty sure it was meant to be satirical but there was some serious hate in many of the comments.  Can’t say it was unwarranted if you didn’t get that it was a satire.   The author talked about ‘fatties’, runners talking about missing toes, runners ‘bragging’ about how many miles they’ve run, etc.  It really was kind of funny.  Anyway.  I decided to write about why I love runners – or at least some of the stuff that runners do.

Top 5 Reasons Why I Love Runners

#5:  Runners are disciplined and determined.  How many times have you seen that crazy person running along the side of the road when it’s raining or a 100 degrees?  They may be crazy BUT it is hard to stick with a program when the weather isn’t cooperating.  Have you ever been out on a Friday night and your friend (the runner) ends her night early because she has to run the next morning?  Discipline.  Trust me.

#4:  Runners like to share information and tips with other runners.  Don’t believe me?  Just walk into your local running shop and ask for advice about something, anything.  Of course the Chatty Cathys and Charlies will talk you up, but even the Closed Lipped Larrys will be surprisingly talkative, too.  It’s pretty nice.  More experienced runners will almost always try to help us newer runners wherever they can.

#3:  Runners often have GREAT stories to tell.  The subjects of these stories can range from crazy race experiences to losing toenails to incredible stories of triumph and beating the odds.  Some of the stories are so inspirational they can bring tears to the eyes.  Some are so funny you’ll wet your pants laughing!

#2: Runners are tough.  Missing a toenail?  No big deal – run anyway.  Dog chasing you?  No problem, stare it down…  okay – RUN FASTER!  Fall and get bruised up?  That’s okay – get up and keep going.

#1 Reason I love Runners:

Runners are encouraging and accepting of each other.  I know this first hand and have been the beneficiary of this encouragement and acceptance so many times I couldn’t count them.  Here, on my blog, I’ve written some pretty ‘down in the dumps’ type posts about my training and it never fails:  someone will post something to cheer me on or encourage me to keep going.  It seems like such a minor thing but it really means a lot.  There are countless sites devoted to runners’ forums, lots of facebook pages/groups where members post and receive encouragement.  There are also many, many running clubs, runners groups and runners meet and greet events that exist for the purpose of lifting up and encouraging each other.  That is pretty nice!

These are just some of the reasons I love runners.

Why do YOU love runners?

p.s.  17 days til my marathon!

Jan17

Don’t You Just Love It?

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Isn’t it great when you are struggling with something and BAM!  you see something that speaks right to you?

Here’s the Runner’s World Quote of the Day:

“It’s about you. It’s personal. You’re not racing against anyone else.

You only get one first time, so just enjoy the experience.”

-Kristie Cranford, Runner’s World Challenger of the Week

I should listen to my own personal advisor.  He’s been saying this all along.  I heard him but I guess I keep forgetting!

Jan15

Not Sure What to Think Now

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This has been a weird, weird week for me.  This was my do-over week because I was sick last week and only ran two times (on Monday and Tuesday).  I felt so good after my all of my runs that it was almost surreal.  I got tired on the tempo run, and was bored on the 8 mile marathon pace run on the treadmill (it was too cold to run outside), but other than that, I felt GREAT!  I did not do my Friday run, though.  I opted to spend that day getting a deep tissue massage and having lunch with a friend.  I sort of thought I might get out and do the easy 4 miles Friday evening but I didn’t do it.

I felt so great after my runs this week that I was sort of glad that my cold (or whatever I had) forced me to get some rest.  I was ALL OVER THE ‘REST‘ BANDWAGON!  Rest is my friend.  I was feeling really ready for the long run – as ready as one could be.

So…  (Already see where this is going?)

We ran White Rock Lake.  It was cold and windy but sunny when we started.  It was a beautiful day.  I was well rested, had eaten a little bit, I’d taken allergy medicine and Aleve, my clothes were comfortable (except for a little bra issue), I was feeling pretty good about the run.

We started off going too fast but slowed down to a manageable pace after a couple of miles.  After about 5 miles, my right hip started hurting a little.  Uh -Oh.  By 7-8 miles, my left hip had joined the fun.  Not good.  I kept thinking that I’d run through it.  Had the quick start caused this?  Maybe this is what happens after not having a long run the weekend before, I don’t know. By 11-12 miles, I was in flat out pain.  My hips were stinging.  In hindsight, maybe I should have stopped then.  I ran until about 13 miles and had to stop and walk.  After walking a little bit, I tried to run again but realized after about a quarter of a mile that it was a no go.

I had to walk most of the way from 14 miles to 21 miles.  I trotted a little bit here and there as I was able but I was mostly walking.  Should I have just quit?  I didn’t think so because the pain went away almost immediately after I stopped running.  From about 15-19 miles, I didn’t have any real pain while walking.  After 19 miles, my left shoulder started hurting, my knees had begun to hurt and I was feeling pretty freaking depressed about the whole situation.

On three occasions during the ‘run’, I had flashbacks from my awful long run in Houston in the heat and humidity when I thought I was going to die.  Just like then, I was gasping for air and my throat felt like it was closing in.  I’ve decided that part of it was anxiety.  When I started to get really upset about having to walk and was feeling like maybe I couldn’t complete a marathon after all of my training, I got a choked up feeling and then the gasping started.  When I could get myself to relax and calm down a little, it went away.  :-(

After the ‘run’ was finally over, my stomach started to hurt – I mean REALLY hurt.  It was terrible.  I had to GO so badly…   This was a new experience for me – one that I could have done without.  In addition to the stomach ache, I became so sleepy that I couldn’t keep my eyes open.  We had a little bit of a drive before we could go home and I slept for most of it.  I was groggy and just out of it.  I’m kind of in disbelief just thinking about it.  I don’t know what happened to me.  I wish I could do over this do-over…

When I got home, I had another first:  an ice bath.  Okay, I know it’s an ICE bath, but I was not prepared for how much the cold water would hurt.  My feet were screaming!!!  After I inched my feet out of the water a bit, I was able to sit semi-comfortably – okay, no….  I was able to ENDURE the cold.  I got out after the ice had mostly melted away and got into the hot shower.  Did I undo the ice bath?  Who knows, but the hot water felt great!  After my bath and shower, I got in the bed.  Called it a day.

As I’m writing this, I am getting teary eyed.  I feel so sad that my ‘run’ was so terrible.  What in the world happened to me?  I don’t know for sure what went wrong or what to do differently at this point.  I found a training program that made sense to me, that I felt was doable and would help me to complete the marathon before they take up the finish line at 6 hours.  I still feel like I’ve done the right things for me but I can’t help but wonder if some of the comments that I get about my training might be on target.  Well, honestly, there’s only one comment that I consistently get and it goes something like this:  “You run too much”  “Wow, you run a lot” “That’s a lot of running”.

So, let’s examine this.  Yep, I run 5 days a week but each run serves a purpose:

  1. Monday:  slow, easy run just to get out and stay loose – is supposed to be taken REALLY slowly and that’s what I’ve done, they’ve been either 4 or 5 miles
  2. Tuesday:  marathon pace run – to get used to running at the pace that I plan to run during the marathon
  3. Wednesday:  tempo run – to get used to increased intensity/increase anaerobic threshold
  4. Friday: – just like Monday’s run
  5. Saturday:  long run – to get used to running for a long period of time – increase in mileage of long has been around 10%

It doesn’t really matter whether I run too much or not at this point.  I can’t take any of it back.

I don’t know what went wrong for sure.  It could have been any number of things:

  1. I just had a crappy day
  2. I started off too quickly
  3. My shoes are still too new
  4. I hadn’t stretched enough this week
  5. I didn’t do enough of my strength training this week
  6. It was all in my head
  7. I run too much

In the end, I know I need to do what my husband kept telling me on Saturday.  “Don’t read too much into the run.”  That is so opposite of how I normally react to things – as you can tell from this long blog…  I guess I’ll end with this:

What went RIGHT on Saturday:

  1. I covered 21 miles

  2. I didn’t quit.

  3. On the day after the ‘run’, I feel great.  Nothing hurts.  I’m not sore or stiff.

  4. It wasn’t the marathon.

  5. I got to cheer on some guy who was running a 5K.  He was hot on the heals of the guy in first place.

  6. I learned that I can keep going (however slowly) even when in pain.   So – if I fall apart during the marathon, I will know that I can keep going for a long time still.

Maybe I’m rationalizing;  I don’t know.  I’ll try to focus on the positives.  This was my very last loooong run and even though it sucked, I need to move on.  I’m moving into my ‘tapering’ weeks.  Twenty one days til my marathon!

OOPS!  BEFORE I END

This week:

  • Monday:  5
  • Tuesday:  8
  • Wednesday:  5
  • Thursday:  rest
  • Friday:  0 – was supposed to run 4 miles but I went to the spa instead
  • Saturday:   21 – was supposed to do 22 but I just did not have it in me
  • Sunday:  rest

Here’s what’s up for next week:

  • Monday:  3 easy miles
  • Tuesday:  6 miles at marathon pace
  • Wednesday:  5 mile tempo run
  • Thursday:  rest
  • Friday:  4 easy miles
  • Saturday:  14 miles (okay, that’s kind along, but not CRAZY long)
  • Sunday:  rest
Jan11

Taped Up and Doing Okay

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It’s midweek on the week after I was sick and didn’t run.  I’ve run 3 of my 5 runs for the week and I’m doing pretty good!  The rest seems to have really helped.  Go figure!  I’ve run all 3 runs on the treadmill.  It was raining Monday and Tuesday and I ran at 3:30 am today.  I’m not too concerned about not having a run on the street, yet.  I’ll do my 4 miler on the road before the big one on Saturday.

 

About a month or so ago I started having some rubbing/chafing issues with the band part of my bra.  It rubbed me so hard that I was actually bleeding the first time it happened.  I’ve tried a few things to stop the rubbing:  bandaids (fail), gauze (epic fail), tape that holds gauze down (fail) and finally “Sports Tape”.  DING, DING, DING!  WE HAVE A WINNER!

The first time I used the Sports tape, I wrapped it around my entire rib cage so that it sat right under the bottom band of my bra.  It worked, but unfortunately, when I put the tape on, I was exhaling.  When I inhaled, the tape was kind of tight and uncomfortable.  I wore it like that anyway just to see if maybe it would loosen up and feel okay.  It did not loosen up BUT it did provide a barrier between the bra and my skin that didn’t move.  The next couple of times I used it, I just put a strip across my rib cage so that it covered the area where the bra was rubbing.  It worked perfectly!  I am going to test it out on the long run this weekend just to be sure.  So far, it stays put, keeps the bra from rubbing back and forth and it also pulls off fairly easily when I’m finished.

Jan9

This Week is a ‘Do-Over’ Week for Me

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Last week, I ran woke up on Monday not REALLY feeling like running but I got out and tried.  On Tuesday, I had a headache, my throat was hurting and I felt tired and out of it, BUT I got on the treadmill and ran anyway.  When Wednesday morning rolled around, I had no energy, my throat was REALLY hurting, I had a runny nose, headache and my body was tired and hurting.  I didn’t run on Wednesday.

 

I didn’t run on Thursday, Friday, Saturday or Sunday.  It was pretty stressful.  Saturday was supposed to be my final long run before the marathon.  Oh, boy!

 

I went through a myriad of scenarios during the week.  At first, I thought may be I could just rest a couple of days and do a short slow run on Friday and then just gut it out and run 22 miles on Saturday.  I just had this gnawing feeling that I shouldn’t run.  Then I’d have this awful feeling that I should at least TRY to run.  I went back and forth like that for most of the week.  As the days ticked by, it was obvious that I wasn’t going to run so I think I just gave up the idea – which actually felt good.  That good feeling was eventually replaced by the worry that I would be out of shape after a week of not running.  Would I be able to just pick up where I left off?  I’ve struggled during my training if I took two days off between runs.  I need consistency.  Sitting on my butt for 6 days without running is not consistency.

 

I knew this wasn’t going to be easy.   I was doing so well, too.  I hadn’t been sick, had a headache or had anything that got in the way of my training for 16 weeks!

 

On another note, my running shoes have been on their last ‘leg’ for a couple of weeks.  The shoes I got 3 months ago have 400 miles on them!  That is crazy!  On Sunday, I went to Luke’s Locker and tried on some shoes.  I always TRY to find a different shoe than I already have but it never works out.  If I weren’t so close to my marathon, I would have tried some Asics this time.  They felt very similar to my current Brooks Adrenalines and they were PURPLE!  I’m not that hot on purple, but this blue/grey that I’ve been wearing for two years is so boring!!!  I got the Adrenalines again.  (snooze)

I wore them this morning for my easy 5 mile run and they felt pretty good.  I was starting to have some arch pain in the old shoes.  The guy at Luke’s Locker explained how the compression of the sole caused the arch part of the shoe to be too elevated and thus ‘poke’ my arches too much.  (Okay, I’m not explaining it well, but it makes sense.)  My new shoes feel a little too new right now, but by Feb 5, I’ll have over 100 miles on them and they should be perfect. 

 

So, I ran 5 miles today.  At least I THINK I ran 5 miles today.  I ran for an hour and 4 minutes.  ALL of the regular treadmills were full at the gym today.  It IS January…  ;-)   The only treadmill that was open was one of the big fancy ones with WAY too many buttons and options.  I couldn’t figure out how to fix it so I could see the speed and miles that I’d run.  Every time I tried to fiddle with it, it started over…  That is annoying.  So anyway.  I just put it on a speed that felt like 12 minute miles. 

 

I FELT PRETTY GOOD!  I was so worried that I would somehow forget how to run or I would be overly tired or something.  That didn’t happen.  I got a little tired/bored after about 45 minutes, but that’s what happens when I’m on the treadmill.  Nothing hurt, I wasn’t out of breath.  I felt pretty happy.  I guess I was worried for nothing last week.  Everyone said I needed rest.  I knew I needed rest.  Everyone said that I’d be fine this week.  I didn’t believe it.  I guess I was wrong!

This week, I am going to run last week’s miles.  I’m basically pretending that last week didn’t happen and that I have one less week of tapering than originally planned.

 

So, here’s what I’ve got planned for this week:

  • Monday:  5 easy miles (it’s raining so I ran on the treadmill – considered running outside anyway but since I was JUST SICK last week, decided that was a stupid idea)
  • Tuesday:  8  miles at marathon pace
  • Wednesday:  5 miles at tempo pace (or doing intervals – I’ll decide Wednesday)
  • Thursday:  rest
  • Friday:  5 easy miles
  • Saturday:  22 miles
  • Sunday:  rest

This week, I am going to work on not getting too stressed out about my long run, making sure I’m hydrated during the week and eating better. 

26 days til my first marathon

 

Jan5

Sick…

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I’m sick.  Boo!  I started feeling kind of crappy a couple of days ago and it’s just gotten worse.  I had a 6 mile ‘marathon pace’ run yesterday:  missed it.  Today is my ‘rest’ day but I didn’t run yesterday so I didn’t need any rest today.  Tomorrow, I am supposed to run 5 easy miles before my 22 mile run on Saturday.

 

I hope I feel well enough to run tomorrow.  I don’t know if I should even attempt my long run if it’s my first run since Monday.

 

Now I know why I was in such a bad mood on Monday.  I was down on myself for feeling tired and worn out when I was REALLY just getting sick! 

Jan3

Que the Violins

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Alright:  click here to Que the Violins!  This will set the tone for my mood right now. 

I’m feeling a little bit melancholic today.  I woke up with a sore throat, a tired body and head that just wasn’t in the game.  My brain was busy thinking of all of the reasons I should NOT get out of bed.  It was COLD outside but it felt warm and cozy in bed.  I can pretend that the daily hustle of driving ‘Miss Daisy’, being a do-gooder, and regular ‘chief cook and bottle washer’ is not waiting for me outside of the warmth of my blanket.  Everything is pleasant, lazy and cozy under the cover of the blanket.  Christmas decorations and the Christmas tree don’t need to be taken down in the world I’ve created under the blanket!

I did get up, partially because I had to take my daughter to school and partially because I felt like a loser for not wanting to run.  One should not be motivated by negative thoughts, but seriously, that was the only thing that worked.  What kind of ‘runner’ could I be if I didn’t want to get up and run?  How am I going to run TWENTY SIX POINT TWO miles next month if I am not committed to training?  So – yeah.  I felt like a loser for not wanting to get up – sore throat, tired body and all.

Why am I struggling so much lately?  Is it that I’m thinking negatively?  Has the running just caught up with me?  Am I NOT committed to my training?  Do I REALLY want to do this?  Is this normal?  I feel like I am struggling more than I should be struggling at this point.  I am starting my 15th week of training and I thought by now that I’d be coasting to the end.

I feel like a schizophrenic.  One week I’m happy and content with my training and the next week…  well, the next week, let’s just say I’m NOT so happy.  (I saw a sign this weekend at the run that said “No one MADE you do this!”  I need to remind myself of this every day.)  The scary part is that while I feel like I’m sinking, I don’t know how to stop it.  Maybe that’s it.  I’m just scared.  Surely, that’s normal.  Or is it?