So, I was running the other day and I realized something very different here in St. Louis. I run in the late morning to early afternoon. In Allen, TX (where I used to live), all of the runners at that time of day were very similar to me: middle aged women. Here, though, runners are almost all young – I mean early 20s.
What difference does that make? None really – except that EVERYONE is running faster than me, now. I used to run past a person every now and then but now… not so much. Our neighborhood is adjacent to Washington University and I guess those kids like to run.
That’s okay, though. It doesn’t make my run any longer or slower even if it does seem like it!
Did I mention that this post was totally random?
You know that ‘runspiration’ you always see about how it doesn’t matter how fast (slow) you run because you’re still lapping people that are sitting on the couch? Whoever wrote that did so after they drove past me and first thought I was standing still but then realized, “oh, wait! – she’s running”.
I am slow. It’s okay, though. I’m not stressed about it. It is what it is. BUT. I did decide I’d try to run a little faster. This 10K app that I’m working through incorporates walking and I always feel like I could really run longer. I am trying to stick to the program and not do more than I really should so my compromise is to try to run faster.
‘Normally’, I run around a 10:30-11:30 minute mile but I have been running a 9:30-10 minute pace with the training app. ( I wear a Nike GPS watch that tracks pace. I don’t obsess over the watch while I’m running but I do really like to glance at it every once in a while.) The first couple of days that I ran fast on the ‘running’ stretches, it really felt like I was running faster than I could maintain. The last two days that I’ve run ‘fast’ it felt okay. My route is along a street with rolling hills (ugh) and I feel GREAT running downhill fast and only moderately out of breath and on death’s sidewalk (as opposed to his doorstep…) when running uphill. So that’s progress right?
I don’t know how far I could run at the faster pace but it’s interesting to move this fast even in the 2 minute spurts that I do right now. I wouldn’t mind this new ‘faster than ever’ pace becoming my ‘normal’ pace.
I am hungry. Hungry to run ‘long’ again, hungry to sign up for races again, and hungry to have that great feeling of accomplishment that running gave me. I’m hungry for all of those things, but I am mostly just hungry for food. While I was in my slump, rut, funk – whatever – I ate and ate and ate. I can’t keep beating up my knees with this extra weight. …sigh… So, I joined Weight Watchers Online a month ago. I was seduced by Jennifer Hudson’s story AND her unbelievable transformation. She really looks amazing! Anyway – I joined online because I just wanted something to get myself back under control. I don’t want to go to meetings to share my story or cheer others on. Sorry. That just isn’t helpful for me and I would eventually stop going.
You might be thinking, “Well, what’s the difference between sharing at a meeting and sharing on a blog?” Good question. I don’t have a good answer, though. It’s just different.
WW’s current program works like this: You get a certain number of points per day based on your weight/height/age. You can use the points however you choose, but ‘healthy’ choices use fewer points, so there is incentive to NOT use points for a donut because then you will be hungry for the rest of the day. Extra points can be earned through activity and they also allow some extra weekly points.
You need to know that I can be a fairly obsessive person, so WW is great in many ways but bad in some ways as well. I have the phone/iPad app and I spend a LOT of time looking up food to see how many points they are. I look up foods that I have no plan to eat and I’ve figured out how many points all of my favorite desserts might have. On a typical day, I scrimp and save points during the day and end up with 2/3 of them at dinner time. I know this is not good. My goal this week is to evenly distribute my points throughout the day – although I do enjoy my ‘treat’ of a piece of wheat bread with natural peanut butter and a tsp of strawberry jam.
I don’t feel like I look any different, yet. I washed some jeans and was able to put them on without sucking in, though. (You know, because they shrink up so much when washed/dried…) I manage to ignore the scale until the weekend. Since my weigh in day is Sunday, I get a little antsy by Friday and start stepping on the scale just to make sure I haven’t gained weight. I’ve lost 10 pounds so far. Ten more and I’ll be back where I was at the marathon in February.
Well, gotta go. I’m hungry and I’ve got a delicious 3 point egg white omelet waiting for me.
I’ve been going to Zumba and walking for the past couple of weeks. Guess what? I remember what was FUN about exercise. I haven’t had this feeling in a long time. I’m glad I’ve found it again because I was kind thinking that this slump that I’m in might go on forever. Over the past two and a half months of starting and stopping over and over again, I lost the fun.
Somewhere along the line, running and exercising in general became a job. And worse than that, it became a job of which someone else was in control. I felt like I ‘had’ to get out and run as if someone was depending on me. I had to run a certain number of miles or the whole effort was a ‘fail’. That is a terrible feeing. It is kind of weird and I am not really explaining this well, but I just was not personally motivated to do any sort of exercise. It had become drudgery.
You probably already know this, but lack of exercise effects one’s mood. I’d been in such ‘blah’ mood for way too long. My days were melding into each other and becoming a blur. Things that could have been fun and exciting were just something to do, something to take up time. I kept thinking about the expression ‘bodies in motion tend to stay in motion’. Well, the opposite is true as well. Stationary bodies remain stationary. The longer I sat around, the easier it became to just sit around. The voice that woke me up and made me get out on the street to run became more and more faint as the weeks passed. Eventually, I guess she would become mute. So sad.
I don’t know what happened in my mind that allowed me to backslide so far. I don’t know why my kickstart efforts didn’t work. I bribed myself. Fail. I threatened myself. Fail. I ‘gave myself a break’ and stopped being ‘so critical’. Fail. …Sigh… Nope, I don’t know what happened. What I do know is that I feel different now. I’ve given up the idea of running a marathon this fall and I’m not trying to figure out how I can get back on track with that training. I don’t have a certain number of runs to do. I don’t have a certain distance to reach every day. I don’t have that job any more.
I’m gonna continue to do Zumba and walk. I’ll run again when the time is right. I don’t know the answer to a lot of stuff, but I do know that when this is not fun anymore, I won’t do it. My focus now is to keep it fun. Running will be there when I’m ready.
Say it ain’t so? Well, it is, friends. After floundering and half-ass efforts, I’ve concluded that I will not be running a second marathon on October 21. It just ain’t happening.
There. I said it.
I thought I’d feel better but I don’t.
Confession: I have been TOTALLY unmotivated to run. I don’t know why. I see runners and I wish I were them. I think fondly of running and how it makes me feel. I know I SHOULD run. The reality is, however, that I am struggling to make my self get up and run. I could make excuses but none of them are worth the time it would take to make them.
I feel like I’m at the edge of a precipice. I’m at a crossroads. I’m at a fork in the road. Whatever the metaphor, this situation is not good. I gotta s*#t or get off the pot. I have got to make a decision. The longer it takes to get back in to the swing of things, the harder I’m making it for myself.
I want to run a marathon on October 21 and at this rate, I will NOT be in condition to do it.
Do I really want to keep running? I’m pretty sure I do. Maybe the question is: Am I willing to do what it takes? So far, the answer is ‘no’. I don’t know why. I wish I did.
I can’t think of anything to do but bribe myself. Is it bribery when it’s all internal? Who knows, but here goes: If I do all of my runs for the rest of this week and next, I’ll buy myself a new pair of shoes. That’s just five runs. I can do that…
Maybe I’ll call it an incentive. My problem is that I can’t seem to get started and keep going for longer than a run or two. This should help. I’ve been intending to pick up a new pair of casual, every day shoes but now… I am going to ‘earn’ them. Has it really come to this?
Why, yes. Yes, it has.
Maybe I’ll get these:
A friend sent me the quote about running being a jealous mistress a year or so ago. Well, jealousy reared its ugly head today! I ran 4 miles and afterward felt like I’d run a hundred.
The weather here is nice. It was about 55 degrees Fahrenheit, a slight breeze, sunny, clear and the sky was as clear as a bell. I didn’t map out a run so I just walked up to the street and started running. I am officially training for my SECOND full marathon and the schedule says run 4 miles. Mile 1 was like mile 1 frequently is for me: I get out of breath and decide I’m not going to be able to make it. This ALWAYS happens. I play this little game with myself at the beginning of every run.
Me: I’m tired. I can’t control my breathing. My knee hurts. It’s so hot. These car fumes are the worst.
Self: This always happens, just keep running. It’ll get better.
Me: Uh…. I’m still tired.
Self: UUHH… It’s only been a minute. Keep running. You’ll run through it. Stop being lazy. You can run 4 miles!
After 10-15 mintues:
Me: I guess I feel better.
Self: Duh. This happens every time.
Yes – I probably need therapy but that’s for another blog.
After a couple of miles of trudging along slowly, I worked through it in my head that I was going to finish the 4 miles. And let me tell you – AT 4 miles, I came to an IMMEDIATE stop. My breathing was fine but I felt so beat down and tired. It seemed like the temperature had risen 20 degrees from when I started. Positive note: neither of my knees hurt. Nothing hurt. I was just tired. Really tired.
Not sure what running is jealous of – cause I hadn’t been doing ANYTHING before last week. Nothing to be jealous of. Maybe today was just a reminder of why I should never take 8 weeks off – ever again.
Tomorrow’s run: 2 miles
So… it’s been a while. Dedeaux hasn’t been doing much running lately. Okay… Dedeaux hasn’t done ANY running lately. Lots of stuff going on – lots of things to use as an excuse.
On my last post, I mentioned moving to a new state. We’ve moved! We officially moved from Allen, Texas to St. Louis, Missouri on April 6, 2012. We are in temporary housing – a two bedroom apartment not far from where our REAL house will be. We close on our new house on April 20. I can’t wait.
The new ‘space’ is nice enough. It’s small but will do for a few weeks. We apparently live below Bigfoot, though. Lots of pounding around on the floors – at. all. times. of. the. day. and. night… Not pleasant.
But on to RUNNING. I HAVE decided that I will run the Rock-n-Roll St. Louis Marathon on October 21. It is going to be HARD. It is hilly here – really hilly. I will need six months to be ready for a marathon here!!
I walked fast for 3 miles this morning with the dog. I’m glad I was just walking because I think I need to ease my knees back into running. My left knee hurt a little bit from about 1/2 mile to 1-1/2 miles. The road we were walking on was hilly and the downhills hurt the most. The good thing is that I wasn’t even kind of tired. It was beautiful here this morning – clear sky, cool and a little windy.
My plan for tomorrow is run/walk. Not sure how far. Maybe 4-5 miles. We’ll see.
I’m not saying I’m ‘back’ to running until I’m actually RUNNING but I’m on the way to being back and that’s a good thing!
Wow! Lots has happened since my last post. I don’t know where to begin.
So, let me see…
I’ve decided that I am going to run ANOTHER marathon. Yep. I do believe I am hooked. My goal for my very first marathon was to finish. I finished. After thinking about it for a little while, I’ve decided that I want to do it again. I think I can do better and DEFINITELY have a better time.
Hmmm… What else? Oh, yes. We are moving out of state. Yep. Moving. My husband accepted a promotion within his company and we are moving from the Great state of Texas to St. Louis, Missouri. Change is good… Change is good… Change is good… I’m feeling kind of overwhelmed right now. Our house will be for sale in 5 days. We will go to St. Louis to look at new homes and schools in 7 days. Whew! Lots going on.
What hasn’t been going on is ME RUNNING! I’ve run ONCE since the marathon. I ‘ran’ 3 miles two weeks after the marathon and my knees hurt a little. Haven’t been running since. I will, though. Every time I see someone running I feel like it should be me…
Well, not much to say. Lots going on. Change is good… Change is good… Change is good…